AND so to one of Sleb Safari’s favourite gentlemen, and once upon a time Lake Como neighbour, George Clooney, who has been chatting to Esquire magazine about his dear friend Bill Murray.
George is very well connected and has the likes of Hillary Clinton, John Prendergast and Cindy Crawford on speed dial, just as the rest of us have our local takeaway and our mum.
He also has Bill Murray’s number but it sounds as though Bill doesn’t do phones.
Over to George for some scene setting: “Bill comes to see us in Italy every summer.”
“I text him [to see when he wants to come], and then I won't hear from him for three months.
“Then I'll be in Italy, and he'll call me and say, ‘I'm here.’ And I go, ‘Where?’ And he goes, ‘At the front gate.’ And I open it, and he comes in.”
Sleb Safari spent last July holidaying at Lake Como and repeatedly made an appeal through this column for an invite to Casa Clooney for aperitifs in air conditioning. Those pleas fell on deaf ears. So much for the humanitarian work, George.
Had Sleb Safari known the trick Bill Murray played it’d have watched every Bill Murray film it needed to in order to record him saying the words I. Am. Here. At. The. Front. Door and then edited them together into one sentence and rocked up to George’s front door, pressed the buzzer, pressed play on its Walkman and let that cassette do the talking.
Everyone loves Bill and George offers an insight into why we should all have a Bill Murray in our lives.
“Bill's oddly emotional. He's incredibly warm and emotional. He gave a toast at our wedding that was so elegant and beautiful and warm and he's such a loving individual. And he's adaptable to anyplace he goes. Everybody's life is a puzzle that's missing this one piece, and he fits in each time.”
What a gorgeous tribute to someone.
Here’s how these two crazy actor cats fell in love. A few summers ago the cast of Fantastic Mr Fox arrived at George’s Lake Como home to record but had to call a halt the following day due to an emergency and everyone went home except Bill Murray who was due to be in Venice a few days later.
George says Bill asked what he should do.
“I'd only known him from a few parties, but I said, ‘Well, you can stay here.’ And he did. And we would just sit and we'd watch television together, or we'd go into the gym and work out. But you could do it and not even talk for hours.
“I'd come outside and he'd be lying in the grass looking up, and I'd come out and I'd lie in the grass and look up, and we'd just sit there and look up at the stars for two hours. He really is that guy. He's incredibly warm, and he really fits into everyone's life when he shows up.”
Again, George, why so shy? If Sleb Safari had known you wanted someone to watch Italian TV with and look at the stars it could have facilitated that last summer. Reach out next time, Sleb Safari won’t leave it three months to respond.
Danny Dyer wishes the queen the happiest of birthdays
DANNY Dyer, geezer and author of Sleb Safari’s favourite tweet – "Can't believe it's been nearly 11 years since them slags smashed into the twin towers, it still freaks my nut out to this day" – has gotten into trouble for a cheery birthday message he recorded for Queen Liz.
Danny told the queen that since she was turning 90 she should “get off her nut” and Sleb Safari is of the opinion that the queen would have welcomed such a convivial birthday greeting.
Others felt it lacked respect. Sleb Safari would like to hear from the queen on the matter and awaits clarification on whether one did get off one’s nut on one’s 90th birthday.
Johnny Depp and Amber Heard apologise to Australia
There were lols aplenty last week when Australian authorities released a video of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard apologising for having ignored quarantine laws when flying their Yorkshire Terriers into the country on a private jet.
The pair went on trial and the "warm and direct" Australians decided that rather than jail them for 10 years or impose a $10,200 fine they would get them to make a formal apology on video and my oh my is it a cringefest.
Both look like they'd rather be anywhere than in front of a camera reciting lines such as: “Australia is a wonderful island with a treasure trove of unique plants, animals and people.”
Johnny delivered the line “Australians are both warm, and direct. If you disrespect Australian law, they will tell you firmly” with the charisma of a dead wallaby.
Suffice to say neither will pick up an award for the performance.
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