I AM hoping to marry my fiance later this year and I know I've left it a bit late to start being worried, but I've realised he is very kinky about my feet.
It's as if the rest of my body doesn't interest him at all.
I've had other boyfriends, but I've never been with anyone who's behaved like this.
We've been together for three years and I do love him, but we've never had a proper physical relationship as he seems to just want to play with my feet.
Do you think marriage with someone like him could work out, and how can I get him to break this habit so we can have a normal relationship?
RW
FIONA SAYS: There are many men who find particular parts of the female anatomy especially attractive, and some of them can be a bit kinky about this.
Generally, there is no harm in it, but it sounds as if your fiance's foot fetish has become an obsession.
You can't cure an obsession or even make him adjust his behaviour – he needs to do that himself, and he may well need help to do it.
Therefore, I fear there isn't a great future for the pair of you unless he agrees to seek help.
If you are able to talk openly with him about his behaviour, you may be able to encourage this.
If he won't seek help, I think you would be wise to at least postpone your marriage until such time as he is willing to change.
MY NEIGHBOUR IS BOTHERING ME
I'm perfectly happy living alone and working from home as a transcriber.
My problem, though, is the lady downstairs, who seems to think I must be lonely – which I'm not.
She is forever knocking on my door and asking me for tea or coffee and a chat.
She's married with grown-up children who are always popping in to see her, so she can't be lonely.
I find her constant interference really annoying when I'm trying to work.
I can't pretend to be out as she can hear me moving around my flat.
I wouldn't mind an occasional visit but it's almost every day.
Short of moving, how do I put a stop to this?
I've tried making excuses, but I'm running out of ideas – I would have thought she'd have got the hint by now!
HG
FIONA SAYS: Although you seem to think she is married and has children so can't be lonely, I suspect she is.
It may be that she doesn't have a friend she can confide in, and as you are clearly around during the day, she is taking steps to strike up a friendship.
I also work from home and know how frustrating it is when people assume it's not real work so they can pop in, unannounced.
I'm afraid I stand firm, don't let them through the door and point out (as politely as I can) that I work during the day, would they mind coming back during the evening or weekends?
I think you're going to have to do the same; don't make excuses, tell her the truth.
It may be that she doesn't appreciate the disruption she is causing, but once she understands, I'm sure things will be easier.
I do suggest, though, that you let her visit you occasionally when you're not busy, or even suggest you pop down to see her when you've finished what you're doing.
It may be that you find you have more in common than you expect – you might even become the best of friends.
HE KEEPS CHEATING – DO WE HAVE A FUTURE?
My husband and I have been married for 12 years and in that time he's admitted to two affairs.
We're still together at the moment, but six months ago he started a third affair and actually left me to live with the woman for a few weeks.
We started divorce proceedings, but he came back as (he said) he couldn't live with the fact he had made me and the children so miserable.
That was shortly before last Christmas.
He tells me regularly that he still has feelings for this woman, but promises he hasn't had anything more to do with her.
I know I should feel happy he's back with me, but it's tearing me apart knowing he still loves her and would rather be with her than with me.
They work for the same company, so they are inevitably going to see one another from time to time.
Do you think there's any hope that our marriage will recover?
SS
FIONA SAYS: I think your husband is treating you very badly and, if he continues to express his love for this other woman, I have to say, I fear for your future together.
I can't help but wonder if, far from feeling guilty about hurting you and the children, he came back because he panicked once solicitors were involved and he saw his affair becoming serious.
Perhaps he cares for this other woman, or perhaps he wants to constantly remind you of what you made him give up.
His behaviour seems very immature and you must decide whether you are prepared to forgive him and live with the knowledge that he has deceived you three times now.
I think you need to stand firm and tell him that his constant reminders are not making your life any easier and that he must stop if your marriage is to have any chance of surviving.
If you keep forgiving him and don't make it clear his behaviour is unacceptable, it's only a matter of time before he has another affair.
If you want your marriage to work, it's time for some plain speaking and some outside help, so I suggest you contact Relate (www.relate.org.uk) and ask to speak to a counsellor.
MY PARENTS ARE GUILT-TRIPPING ME
After my divorce, my nine-year-old daughter and I went to live with my parents, who were very kind to us as we tried to get through the worst of this difficult period.
Things are different now; I have a steady job, my daughter is settled at school and I feel ready to start on my own again.
For reasons I do not understand though, my parents are giving me a really hard time, and whenever I mention the possibility, we have terrible rows.
My mother accuses me of being ungrateful and selfish, saying I can't possibly consider taking my daughter away from the only secure home she has known.
My father says I should have more consideration for my mother's feelings.
We've only been with them for six months.
I can't understand why they're behaving like this.
NK
FIONA SAYS: Parents often find it hard to adjust to having adult children so, when you came back, you enabled them to feel you were dependent on them again, and perhaps they enjoyed the idea.
On top of that, they have had the chance of getting much closer to their granddaughter and it may well be that's the real reason they don't want you to leave.
They may be frightened they will lose this closeness if you move away.
Have you shown your parents how grateful you are for their help over this difficult period?
It might help your case if you can reassure them you will stay in touch and that you truly appreciate their help and support.
You have to lead your own life, so encourage your parents to think of you as an adult again.
Assert yourself firmly, but with an understanding of their feelings too, and I am sure they will soon realise that your independence is important.
