'YER the onions in me burger, yer the sugar in me tea, so horse it into ya Cynthia fer yer the girl fer me.'
Conal Gallen reveals that his most successful song, Horse It Into Ya Cynthia, which tells the tale of a young Irish man's love for a country girl, was born when he overheard a conversation between Louis Walsh's sisters, Sarah and Evelyn.
"I was doing a show down in Castlebar and I met some friends before the show," the Donegal singer and comedian recalls. "As I was leaving to head off to the dressing room Sarah said to Evelyn, ''Horse it into ya, Cynthia", meaning 'finish your drink'.
"The line stuck in my head during the drive home and by the time I had reached my house at three that morning I had the song done. The next day I was finishing an album in the studio and when I showed the song to my producer he persuaded me to put it on the album."
"I remember Louis [Walsh] telling me how he kept his sister going that 'any other girl would get a love song written about her, and you get that'."
A regular on the comedy circuit for the past 35 years, Gallen has also delighted Irish audiences with his comic farces featuring characters such as Cynthia, Dick, Willie and Bridie, in venues including Belfast's SSE Arena and Dublin's Olympia Theatre.
The plays were the brainchild of his son Rory, who started working with his dad at the age of 12, filling in on the sound desk. The pair of them went on to form Little Round Records Ltd in Ballybofey, where Rory is mainly involved in the production side of the business.
"He's my ideas man. We came home from a gig one night a few years ago and just out of the blue he said, 'Why don't we do a play?' I said, 'What play had you in mind?' and he said 'We'll write one'.
"We are currently writing a new play for this autumn," says 64-year-old widower, who has a particular fondness for the character of Bridie Murphy.
"I love Bridie. She is abrasive and funny. She's class, because she has no class," says Gallen, who admits to having a room full of Hawaiian shirts and dresses in his home – much to the embarrassment of his grandchildren.
And Rory's 13-year-old daughter Amber is already showing signs of following in the family business, having featured in her granddad's online videos.
"Amber certainly has the aptitude and timing for comedy, but it's up to her to follow her own dream.
"She is 13 and, dear love her, she's growing up with a rare grandfather. She was with me in the dressing room last autumn and I was getting dressed for my part of Bridie. Everyone had disappeared and I said to Amber: 'You wouldn't fasten the back of my bra?' I said to her, 'There wouldn't be many grandfather's saying that to their granddaughters'," he laughs.
Gallen credits his career choice to a social-welfare officer, with a helping hand from Leitrim singer Charlie McGettigan and inspiration from Dublin comedian and singer Brendan Grace.
After leaving school, Gallen attended agricultural college, where he jokes he learnt the valuable lesson "not to become a farmer". He then had a number of jobs, including working in a London pub and as a market researcher before opening his own record and video rental store in Donegal.
A robbery forced him to restock and he purchased more films from a video rental club which was closing down in the north.
"About two weeks later I went down to open on the Monday morning to find two gardai and a man in a suit standing outside the door. I thought I'd been robbed again but it turned out the stock I had purchased had been pirated goods."
Gallen's local dole office was next door and he was advised, against his wishes, to apply for social welfare benefits.
"I had a wife and two kids to provide for and at the same time myself and another guy started to play a bit of music at the local pubs. Then I got asked to see the welfare officer who told me I was entitled to this and that and even a coal allowance – I thought I had hit the jackpot. But just as we were finishing, she said, 'Now that brings me to the music'.
"She was aware I earned money playing music and so told me I could continue signing on and risk being investigated or else sign off."
Gallen chose the latter and signed himself up to becoming a professional entertainer.
"I actually met the welfare officer last autumn when I was playing in the theatre in Westport. I told her how I'm always thanking her for giving me a career and she was all chuffed. She said, 'To be fair, of all the people I struck off the dole, you were the nicest about it'.
After gigging in bars across the country, Gallen took a decision at the start of the 90s to "upgrade" himself, and book events in four theatres. He admits he then "took cold feet", before teaming up with old friend Charlie McGettigan to make them joint gigs.
"The four nights were absolutely brilliant and were the stepping stone I needed to make me realise I could do this on my own," he recalls.
Gallen, who has just returned from leading a group of Irish fans on a tour to Tennessee, admits "I still surprises myself". "This Joker stand-up tour we are doing at the minute is the most successful tour I've ever done."
His shows are world renowned for Irish craic, songs and rib-tickling jokes. So how does he account for their enduring popularity?
"Humour travels. It is universal; it doesn't matter whether you're nine or 90. My humour is not clever, it's not PC, it doesn't pretend to be anything else only laugh a minute. Comedy has gone astray in today's world. It's almost like you need to be controversial and many so-called comedians have omitted the word funny."
:: Conal Gallen continues his tour, The Joker, at Ballymena's Tullyglass Hotel on March 13, Enniskillen's Ardhowen Theatre on March 26, Strabane's Alley Theatre on March 27, Monaghan's Garage Theatre on March 28 and Cookstown's Burnavon Theatre on April 17 and 18. For ticket info and latest news visit Conalgallen.net
