It’s often said that a good friend is hard to find and I would be inclined to agree, eventhough there seems to be more shows about sisterhood and womances (female equivalent to bromances) than ever before.
Of course you have the classics like the unbreakable bond between mother and daughter duo Lorelai and Rory Gilmore or the original (and quite literal) ride or die pair Thelma and Louise. But now you have a new wave of gal pals like Dolly and Farly from BBC’s Everything I Know About Love or Netflix’s titular Ginny & Georgia or even Hannah and Tully from Firefly Lane, just to name a few.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m delighted to see so many series that centre around such important and formative relationships but as a result we’re often peddled this narrative that if your friends aren’t always on hand with copious amounts of snacks and well rehearsed speeches...are they really your friends?
As a result low maintenance friends (like me) who can leave texts on delievered for days on end and go weeks without going for brunch or a coffee date (I like my me time) have been gaining a pretty bad reputation on social media lately.
There’s a popular post that has come up on my X feed repeatedly that reads: ‘you guys must think friendship is just going to brunch, going on trips together and taking pictures of each other’. Although I understand why some may deem that to be a sad or shallow definition of what friendship is I would argue that it’s healthy - maybe even necessary, to have those friends that understand that your relationship just isn’t that deep.
you guys must think friendship is just going to brunch, going on trips together and taking pictures of eachother :/
— babydoll 💕 (@uxcynn) August 18, 2024
I have few friends that I would classify as close – we’ve been there for each other through the usual break ups and make ups but also the bereavements and just general bad days. We are Desperate Housewives-level close (we know where the bodies are buried). But that doesn’t mean we have to live in each others pockets or see each other all the time - they won’t mind me typing this - but they would drive me mad.
I still have good relationships with people whose address, star sign and birth stone I don’t know – those who would stop and chat if they were to see me out and about or those I haven’t spoken to in ages but could easily pick up the phone at any stage and have lovely natter with. They are lovely lighthearted exchanges that add diversity to my social circle.
For years it was believed that people’s health and happiness depended on the quality of their relationships and how deep their connections with friends and family were. However more recently it has been argued (and proven) by Stanford sociology professor Mark Granovetter that actually the quantity of connections we have are equally as important. This is called “relational diversity” which according to Granovetter, “leads to greater life satisfaction.”
Of course, there’s a fine line between having a low maintence friend and one that just doesn’t care. The relationship needs to be based on mutuality otherwise you risk entering into something that’s one-sided and speaking from experience that is both draining, hurtful and all-round unpleasant.
So in the words of Jools Lebron it’s important be “very demure” and “very mindful” when it comes to your friendships. My mum always says ‘you get out what you put in’. If doesn’t feel like you’re getting the same amount of effort and/or energy out of your friendship then it might be time to make like Needy (from the 2009 cult classic Jennifer’s Body) and take that best friend necklace back...(just maybe not as visciously).
