The wife of Jonnie Irwin said she is struggling with the way the property show presenter died.
Irwin, who was known for Escape To The Country and A Place In The Sun, died aged 50 in February after being diagnosed with lung cancer in 2020, which later spread to his brain.
His wife Jessica Irwin told the Daily Mail: “You hear people say: ‘He passed away peacefully. It was lovely’, but it wasn’t for Jonnie. It was a f****** awful process.
“I wish I hadn’t seen it but I had to be with him.”
She added that she kept asking the nurses how she could help, but there did not appear to be anything she could do.
“It is just heart-breaking to see someone you love so much in that state, but he was surrounded by love and in our home, as he wanted, not in a hospice,” she added.
“But it is not peaceful. People are upset and I had our three little boys to manage. Even at the end, Jonnie didn’t want to go. He was fighting to the last.
“I hated every second lying next to my dying husband. I cuddled him but he was in a lot of pain. I was constantly moving him, administering drugs.
“I kept saying: ‘Can I do anything?’ and he said: ‘No, I’m fine.’ How could he be fine?”
Jessica, who shared three sons – Rex, and twins Rafa and Cormac – with Irwin, added: “I still struggle with what he went through.”
She also said he “never complained”, and he would “just get upset and say: ‘I’m just so sorry I’m leaving you all'”.
“He was not just my best friend, he was my lover, protector, the person I wanted to share my life with and it was such a mad, adventurous, fun life with him,” Jessica added.
“I feel like I’m still living in Jonnie’s world. His friends are my friends now. He renovated this house.”
Irwin’s first warning sign was while he was filming A Place In The Sun in Italy in August 2020, when his vision became blurry while driving.
In 2022, he disclosed his health issues.
The BBC’s Escape To The Country, where he had been the host of the British daytime property-buying programme since 2010, paid tribute to the late TV presenter through a special programme.
Irwin also starred in Channel 4’s Renovation Game, which ran for three seasons from 2011, in which builders and designers put their fees on the line if they did not raise the property value of a house during a revamp.
