Do you ever feel like you’re getting swept up in expectations? Former Great British Bake Off winner John Whaite found himself pondering this a lot over the last couple of years.
With a string of cookbooks, presenting jobs, a cookery school and history-making stint on Strictly in 2021 (he and pro dancer Johannes Radebe were the BBC show’s first ever male same-sex pairing), Whaite, who was just 23 when he whisked, kneaded and iced his way to Bake Off glory in 2012, is one of the iconic tent’s big success stories.
But alongside all this, the Lancashire-born baker, now 35, grappled with disordered eating, alcoholism and undiagnosed ADHD.
“Towards the end of last year, I decided it was time for me to take a little step away from television,” says Whaite, reflecting on the changes he’s made.
“Not a permanent step, but I was a year into my sobriety, I was diagnosed and medicated for ADHD, and with those, kind of strengths and newfound wisdom about myself, came the realisation TV wasn’t really serving me and my sensitivity very well.
“It’s a great industry, but for me, I think I’m better off just doing a little bit every now and again,” adds Whaite, who opened up about his experiences in his 2023 memoir, Dancing On Eggshells.
“What I really wanted to do was to create a business where people would have salaries and pensions – all the things people in television, for the most part, don’t get. I’d seen TV shows cancelled and people lose their income overnight with no security.
“That’s really one of my biggest driving forces, the experience of being in that world where you don’t quite know where your next paycheck’s going to come from.”
This goal came to life in February with the launch of letterbox delivery brand Ruff Puff Brownies, based out of the same site as his cookery school in rural Lancashire and co-run with his now-husband Paul Atkins.
Shortly before launching, Whaite and Atkins headed to New York on the “hunt for the perfect brownie”. They didn’t find that dream brownie, but they did come back as husbands.
“We’ve been threatening to get married for years, and every time we tried, something else would come up or we just didn’t have the money,” says Whaite. “So, we decided we’d just elope. We realised after all the ups and downs of life, you know, since doing TV work I’ve kind of got on the straight and narrow, and it was time for us to get hitched.”
Keeping things lowkey taps into that bigger picture of not wanting to get swept up in expectations.
“What’s interesting, when we started planning our weddings in the past, there were these great big spectacles, we were going to have drag queens – and we realised that we weren’t doing that for ourselves. We were doing it to entertain people and kind of tick the ‘John was on Bake Off’, ‘John was on Strictly’ box.
“We realised what we actually wanted was a very private, sacred ceremony, and that’s exactly what we had. Just me, Paul, our celebrant, in the middle of Central Park, and a photographer to get some really memorable snaps for us.”
They did tell their immediate family though, and their dads and Whaite’s stepdad filmed speeches for them back at home. “Then after we got married, we went back to the hotel and lay on the bed and watched our parents do their speeches, which was so lovely.”
Whaite has been collaborating with Crosstown Doughnuts too, on a fruity, colourful passionfruit and rainbow scroll Pride doughnut for summer. For every sale, 50p is being donated to akt, the charity that supports LGBTQ+ youth experiencing or at risk of homelessness.
“I feel very privileged in that I had a family who were accepting of me, no matter what,” he says. “But some [LGBTQ+ youth] aren’t – so many kids lose their security and the roof over their head because of who they are, or how they identify.
“And it’s very easy for people to think, well that doesn’t affect me, so I don’t need to pay it any attention. But the more we speak about the less fortunate, the less that kind of thing will happen, and the more help there will be.”
These personal and professional shifts all tie in with taking better care of himself. Of course, work-life balance has been a consideration – but there’s no hiding from the fact that launching a new business can throw that out the window for a bit.
“When we first set up, we were doing 19, 20-hour days minimum. We were packing boxes and just crying because we were that knackered,” Whaite laughs.
“But as we’ve started to evolve and assemble a team, we do now appreciate the importance of [balance] – I start at 5:30am, I try to leave by 3pm, 3:30. Last night, I was here much later, but I try to maintain a bit of normality. Because if you don’t, you burn out.
“I’ve got a new business mentor who’s been really helpful and we’ve spoken about how if you don’t schedule time for you and your partner, then your business will crumble beneath your feet, because if you’re knackered or emotionally overwhelmed, you can’t perform as best as you should. So, it has given me much more respect for my time. I know I have much less time these days to myself, but the time that I have… I look forward to getting into bed at night with a cup of decaf tea!”
When it comes to managing his mental wellbeing, the key for Whaite now is “discipline”.
“Self-care has been promoted as a way of selling fragrant candles and boxes of chocolates and brownies – and that comes into it, don’t get me wrong. But I think the best form of self-care is discipline. When you’re feeling like you can’t be arsed, you’ve got to pluck yourself out of that and crack on. It’s about listening to yourself and knowing when it’s ok to do that, and when actually you do need to lie in bed all day.
“I’m a great believer in, if you’ve got a 1% chance of pulling yourself up out of bed and cracking on with the day, then you’ve got to take the bull by the horns and just do it. It’s about speaking as well, speaking to your friends.
“And of course, there is a place for a box of doughnuts, a box of brownies and a scented candle.”
John Whaite teamed up with Crosstown Doughnuts to create their Pride 2024 doughnut, available until late August (crosstown.co.uk).
