Whilst watching the drama of the Westminster General Election count in North Antrim and the unexpected ousting of Baby Doc Paisley, I was reminded of the quote, ‘the agony and the ecstasy’, only on this occasion it was reversed, as we had the ecstasy of Paisley’s defeat followed immediately by the agony of Jim Allister’s win.
I doubt I was the only person overcome with a wave of schadenfreude at the demise of the Paisley dynasty after 54 years.
I felt no sympathy for Junior’s obvious discomfiture as he fumbled in his jacket pocket, searching for the loser’s speech he never believed he would never have to make.
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Such was the shock at this turn of events that Channel 4 News ran the wrong video clip when announcing Paisley’s defeat, showing a meeting between Hungary’s Viktor Orban and Vladimir Putin. This only added to the already surreal nature of the result.
Following his terse speech, Paisley – acting like a spoilt brat born with a silver spoon in his mouth – stormed out of the count, petulantly refusing to answer journalists’ questions, preferring instead to blow a kiss over his shoulder as he scuttled into oblivion.
The real conundrum about Paisley’s tenure as an MP is how he managed to hold onto the seat for so long.
Obviously, the currency of the Paisley name has finally been exhausted due to years of humiliating personal and party-related scandals.
After half a century, the good citizens of North Antrim had finally realised that the son wasn’t a shadow of the father and chose Jim Allister instead, although what he will bring to that economically-beleaguered constituency is yet to be seen.
This changing of the guard within the DUP wasn’t confined to North Antrim as Sammy Wilson had his vote slashed and Gregory Campbell in East Derry squeaked through with a winning margin of only 179, ahead of Sinn Féin’s Kathleen McGurk. The joke that DUP votes in such constituencies could once be weighed rather than counted is no longer funny.
Jim Allister wasted no time in celebrating his long dreamed-of win. Having gathered his followers, his entrance to his party was fitting as the self-proclaimed saviour of unionism was preceded by a sole piper.
The event was by all accounts a night of wanton excess: crates of lemonade and a mountain of tray bakes were consumed, and festivities continued until a convoy of nursing home buses arrived at 10pm to return the aged party-goers in time for their bedtime medications.
Sinn Féin continued their policy of shuffling their deck of candidates, with old hands being replaced by bright new faces. A perfect example was the parachuting of former Royal College of Nursing chief, Pat Cullen, into the Fermanagh and South Tyrone constituency where she increased the majority achieved by her predecessor, Michelle Gildernew.
Jim Allister’s celebration event was by all accounts a night of wanton excess: crates of lemonade and a mountain of tray bakes were consumed, and festivities continued until a convoy of nursing home buses arrived at 10pm to return the aged party-goers in time for their bedtime medications
While professing to have the answer to all of society’s problems, one question Sinn Fein couldn’t or wouldn’t answer was how much their MPs were being paid. When the question was put to North Belfast MP John Finucane, he said that he, “didn’t have permission” to disclose that information.
Mr Finucane attempted to play down the issue saying it hadn’t been brought up once “on the doorstep” whilst he was canvassing. That may very well be true, but he can rest assured it will continue to be brought up by the media until an answer is given.
While Sinn Féin’s adoption of an outside candidate in the shape of Pat Cullen proved successful, a similar decision by UUP leader, Doug Beattie, to invite Colonel Tim Collins to stand proved to be both an embarrassing and catastrophic failure.
Colonel Collins proved to be a gaffing idiot from the off, with Beattie forced to apologise for his numerous terse and ill-informed comments.
Doing a passing impersonation of a 19th century British Empire viceroy dispatched to keep the natives in line, the Colonel was confident the citizens of North Down would recognise his genius and indeed be grateful in having such an illustrious candidate to vote for.
It was wonderful, therefore, to witness his hubris punctured after he became the first candidate forced to concede defeat on election night.
Incapable of humility, the Colonel blamed the voters for his defeat accusing them of, “being interested only in potholes and cutting hedges”. Well, North Down constituents have given him a one-way ticket home to fix potholes and cut his own hedges.
