From endlessly scrolling profiles online and confusing situationships, to ghosting, benching and catfishing, modern dating feel a bit hopeless at times.
So how can we be more intentional about finding love? We asked Fred Siriex, best known as the First Dates maître d’hôtel – as the show heads into its 23rd series on Channel 4.
Try meeting in the wild again
“It’s different from when I was younger because you now suddenly have an endless pool of people to choose from. It’s also usually now done on apps, which can lead people to being stood up or catfished,” says Sirieix.
“It can also make meeting in real life difficult because you’re now in front of the person, there is no where you go, you can’t just put your phone down and end the conversation which is what people are used to.”
It’s a different world to the 80s and 90s, Sirieix says. “I think there is no substitute for real life and meeting people in person. To keep a relationship alive, it can be difficult if you are not physically together. Physical presence and physical proximity is key.”
“When you are in proximity with someone, you can see them, touch them, smell them, look at them which will benefit your relationship. When you’re online through an app, or long distance, it can make it more difficult.”
Communicate exactly what you want
With the rise of numerous types of relationships – whether it’s long distance, open, polyamorous, ‘living apart but together’ – Sirieix says as long as it works for everyone involved, it’s nobody else’s business.
“We see everything and anything on First Dates and that’s what I like about it. As long as the people having the date are happy and it works for them, then that’s all that matters. However, communication is needed for any relationship, no matter what it is,” he says.
“You have to know what you want. If you want a one night stand, you have to say that. If you want something long term, you have to say that.
“You have to explain to people, be explicit and be clear, because nothing is obvious until it’s obvious. Once you’ve made it clear to the person what it is, then they can decide if they want the same.”
Take a risk and be vulnerable
In dating, opening up can be difficult for many people, especially if they’ve been hurt in the past or have unhealed trauma.
However, Siriex says this shouldn’t hold you back from being honest and vulnerable with someone new.
“You’re starting a new story. Although everyone has trauma that lingers in the mind, you have to be able to get past these hurdles, be yourself and allow yourself to trust somebody else,” he says.
“It’s an act of faith, but the main thing is to remain positive and confident in yourself and your choice.”
As someone who has seen hundreds of first dates happen in real life, Siriex says the best way to make sparks fly on a first date is to tell the person what you think, how you’re feeling and how they make you feel.
“Somebody has to come out and say these things first. So if it’s you, just go for it and then see what might happen. But somebody has to start,” he says.
Take a break from dating if you need
According to a 2024 Forbes Health study, 78% of dating app users reportedly feel ’emotionally, mentally, or physically exhausted’ by them.
Siriex says if you’re tired from dating and it hasn’t happened yet for you, just take a rest and you never know what might happen.
“I hear stories about men and women really trying to find someone. But sometimes it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey and you should enjoy that journey,” he says.
“It can be frustrating and long and it can feel like you’re wasting your time and not getting anywhere, however it’s also remembering, you don’t know where you could meet someone.”
“It could be on the bus or the tube. You may engage in a conversation with somebody and it could lead somewhere. But you just don’t know how it’s going to start.
“Sometimes you have to follow your instinct and your heart. You can’t be defeatist with it.”
Stop looking for perfection
With increasing choice and options out there, Siriex reminds us that the perfect person doesn’t exist.
“We are not perfect. We look at ourselves in the mirror and we can see imperfections, and other people see that in themselves too,” he says.
“We need to be honest with ourselves, let other people be honest and accept them. We want to be accepted and loved so we have to also do the same for others.”
The new series of First Dates begins on February 3, 10pm, on Channel 4.
