If you’re prone to dropping clangers at Christmas, whether it’s drinking too much at the office party, looking disappointed on receiving an unwanted gift or upsetting your relatives over a festive lunch, help is at hand.
Christmas can be a minefield for those lacking in social etiquette, agrees broadcaster and author Gyles Brandreth, a regular on the BBC Radio 4 show Just A Minute, who says that language has got a lot to do with it.
“There’s lots of research that shows that the better you can use language, the more successful you will be in life,” says the Oxford-educated wordsmith, whose new book Prose & Cons takes an amusing look at the English language, from its history to correct grammar and punctuation, euphemisms and tongue twisters.
Brandreth, 76, who has shared the sofa on Celebrity Gogglebox with pals including Dame Sheila Hancock, Dame Joanna Lumley and Carol Vorderman, and interviewed many stars on his podcast, Rosebud, as well as enjoying TV appearances on Have I Got News For You?, The One Show and Countdown, offers the following tips for those who want to avoid any social faux pas this festive season.
Mind your language
“Christmas is multi-generational, so you have to be careful,” he says. “It’s about sharing with the family. People use jargon to keep out other people.
“So, if you are a Gen Z person, you should not use your Gen Z language at Christmas because older people won’t understand it. You need to be inclusive, so you can’t be using the word ‘ick’ or, when asked how your year was, saying ‘I had a ‘Hot Girl Summer’.
“Of course, no one should use bad language on a family occasion, but it’s not just bad language. You have to use language that everyone can understand.
“We now live in a world where different generations have almost tribal language. Millennials speak with one vocabulary, Gen Z with another. Every generation has to be featured.
“It’s tough on the older generation because life has become impossible. They don’t want to learn another ghastly password, they can get subtitles on the television but they need a grandchild around to help them do that. Then, on Christmas Day, they find their grandchildren are talking incomprehensible gobbledegook.”
Be grateful for all presents
“If you open a present which is a disappointment, you say, ‘I love it!’,” he advises.
Around the tree, it’s good etiquette to take it in turns opening each present, he continues.
“You can either do it alphabetically by first name or by age – youngest first, oldest last.
“It’s also vital that somebody who is responsible makes a list of who has been given what by whom. So you need to appoint a Christmas present secretary.”
After the event, the secretary should give a note to each recipient which records who was given what and by whom and should later check that the thank you letters have been sent, he suggests.
“You could do a phone call or a text, but even a short letter saying thank you is necessary, whether you like the gift or not.”
Beware the office Christmas party
“The safest thing with the office Christmas party is not to go. Office Christmas parties are fraught with danger. If you do go, confine yourself to one drink, two at the most. There’s nothing worse than embarrassing yourself at the Christmas party.
“Do not try to be the life and soul of the Christmas party. Let someone else make a fool of themselves and don’t go anywhere near the mistletoe or find yourself snogging the boss.”
Welcome family newcomers
If you welcome someone new to the family, like your daughter’s new boyfriend, be sure to help break the ice, he advises.
“Don’t play dangerous games like Truth Or Lie or a game which requires people to reveal anything about themselves.”
Make sure you mix people up, he adds.
“If you are having Christmas dinner for 12 and there are some new people, move around between courses. Traditionally it’s boy girl boy girl sitting around the table, then between every course the boys move two places down.”
Don’t sit the new guest next to their partner, he advises, unless they are extremely confident. Put them next to the host and move them around between courses, to help them get to know and interact with more of the family.
Avoid certain subjects at festive gatherings
“The subjects of sex, politics and religion should be avoided. I know Christmas is a religious festival, but don’t talk about religion. Politics just upsets people and don’t talk about sex because it could be too exciting for some people and not exciting enough for others.”
Wear a festive jumper
“Get sensible people to arrive wearing a fun festive jumper. You’ve got to enter the spirit of things. Nobody wants a grouch at Christmas.”
Find ways to avoid tension
“We’ve stopped playing Monopoly at Christmas because it always ends in tears. If there’s tension in the room, create a distraction. Introduce a new game or bring on more food.
“If someone is a little bit tipsy or behaving badly, then say, ‘I need a bit of help in the kitchen’ and take them out of the room. Don’t tell them off but get them to do something else.”
Play along with Christmas games
“The etiquette is that at Christmas you have to put the other person first and all ages have to mix with one another, so you’ve got to go along with playing the game even if you don’t want to.
“For example, a great breaking-the-ice game is the one where you all stand in a circle and pass the tangerine around under your chins. It’s a ridiculous game, but you mustn’t be the one sulking, sitting in the corner of the room saying, ‘I don’t want to play this stupid game’.
“You have got to put on the party hat, you have got to pull the cracker. Good etiquette requires that you read out the riddle, whether you understand it or not. You have to be taking part.”
Prose & Cons by Gyles Brandreth is published by BBC Books, priced £16.99. Available now
