Happy Christmas, my gallant Gaels, and a hearty ho, ho, ho to yet another Christmasy Bluffer’s Guide to Irish, the 24th by his own reckoning.
So Nollaig shona - Happy Christmas to you all. By the way when someone says Nollaig shona to you, you can reply with gurb é duit féin - the same to you.
As we are 48 hours away from Christmas Day, you would also say Bíodh Nollaig mhaith agaibh - have a good Christmas – with the same reply.
Fings Ain’t Wot They Used T’Be, as Max Bygraves used to sing but Christmas traditions seem to have a resilience that is hard to beat.
Turcaí agus muicfheoil - turkey and ham for the big showcase meal, aitheasc an Rí - the King’s Speech (formerly the Queen’s Speech) for you to enjoy or mute depending on your royalist leanings followed by a scannán don teaghlach ar fad - for all the family.
By the time the film or whatever has ended, there are useful phrases such as tá Daideo ina chodladh cheana féin - granda is asleep already; thit an cloigeann de mo bhabóg - my doll’s head fell off and cá bhfuil na cadhnairí - where are the ****** batteries?
It’s now time to fight over The Terror Fried Gross Bucket, the Play-Doh Marvel Hulk Smash & Squish and the Numberblocks Five Musical Superstar Stage, some of 2024’s most popular toys as revealed by Daidí na Nollag - Father Christmas on Insta.
Yes, although the basic Christmas routine remains intact some things do change.
The Bluffer remembers his Christmas decorations with streams of coloured tissue paper on the walls, which conveyed all the joie de vivre of a holiday on Death Row.
The crann Nollag - Christmas tree had flashing lights which ruined any celebration for any visitors who had epilepsy as they bopped along to Noddy Holder giving himself a maidhm sheicne - a hernia while screaming “It’s Christmas” at us.
Give the Bluffer Bing Crosby and White Christmas any time.
Although, some people get nostalgic about the way things were in “the good old days” when there were chimney sweeps, tuberculosis and dropsy not to mention outside lavatories, things have got better in many ways.
Whereas houses were decorated outside with an gháifeacht - the gaudiness of Blackpool Tower in the Thatcher years, they have become a lot more sophisticated in recent years.
The Bluffer has neighbours who are the height of good taste - simple white lights, wreathes of holly and ivy, small trees covered with lights and little illuminated deers.
It’s like the difference between the ZX Spectrum and the Macbook Pro.
So the Bluffer wishes you all a Nollaig shona of the 21st century, where the kids love their toys, the teenagers don’t sulk, Mammy gets the credit she deserves and the faux pas of the year gone past are allowed to stay in the cupboard. May you all have a perfect Christmas.
In the meantime, as you read this, the Bluffer is on a plane, heading to Tenerife for a week. Ho, ho, ho!
Cúpla focal
Nollaig shona (nuleeg hunna) - Happy Christmas
gurb é duit féin (gurab ay ditch hane) - the same to you
bíodh Nollaig mhaith agaibh (beeoo nuleeg why agiv) - have a good Christmas
turcaí agus muicfheoil (turkee agis mwickyawl) - turkey and ham
aitheasc an Rí (ahisk un ree) - the King’s Speech
scannán don teaghlach ar fad (scanaan un chaowlakh er fad) - a film for all the family
tá Daideo ina chodladh cheana féin (taa dadgeo ina khuloo hana fayn) - granda is asleep already
thit an cloigeann de mo bhabóg (hitch un clygan de maw wabawg) - my doll’s head fell off
cá bhfuil na cadhnairí (ca wil ne kyneree) - where are the batteries?
Daidí na Nollag (dadgee na nullag) - Father Christmas
crann Nollag (cran nullag) - Christmas tree
maidhm sheicne (myme heckna) - a hernia
an ghaifeacht (an gaafakht) - the gaudiness