Paloma Faith wants to reshape the stereotypical idea that femininity is “delicate” and “soft” and recognise its “power” instead.
“I think there is this idea that femininity is one-dimensional, so it’s often perceived as empathetic, soft, gentle, nurturing. I think that I am all of those things, but [it’s] also resilience, power and strength,” says the London-born singer-songwriter, 42.
“There is a line in God In A Dress [a song from Faith’s album The Glorification Of Sadness, released in February], which says, ‘I might be feminine, but I’m not delicate’ – which embodies the fact that I am super feminine but recognises that there is also a power and strength to it.
“Having lived the experience of having two children, women are quite unbelievable. We are the source of new life, so that is a power.”
It’s a theme she explores in her recently published book MILF: Motherhood, Identity, Love And F*ckery, a Sunday Times bestseller.
The mum-of-two – Faith has two daughters, aged seven and three, with French artist Leyman Lahcine (the couple revealed they’d split last year) – is honest about the fact that although both her career and children are great “sources of joy”, it can be overwhelming trying to juggle everything.
“All the elements that I personally have are things that are sources of joy for me – I love my children, I love my work. But at times, it can become overwhelming to do all of those things, and I often feel like I am not giving my very best to any one of them.”
She adds: “Feminism came along and sold us this idea that we can have it all, and that we are capable of having it all, but women are burning out as a result and are being taken for granted because of it.”
When asked about the challenges of single motherhood, Faith says: “Everything has to be planned and there is no feeling of spontaneity, and if you feel unwell, nobody cares, you just have to carry on as if you are fine. My kids once found me after I had fainted on the floor after an operation… it is terrifying.
“It is very difficult, every day, I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I think it is about accepting your failings, because there is no such thing as a ‘super mum’ and you can’t have it all.
“You are always stretched, and you have to make time for yourself if you can, which I am terrible at – but if I was giving advice to someone, I would say don’t be what I am like!”
Highlighting the impact a lack of sleep can have, she believes sleep-deprived mums deserve more understanding.
“When people talk about lack of sleep, they speak about it as [how] maybe they have not slept well for a couple of nights. But nothing really prepares you for what that is like over a period of years.
“Not sleeping well for a period of years, night on night on night, is actually a form on torture, which makes you lose your rationality,” says Faith.
“That is why it is really annoying when people describe women as snappy or irritable, because it is like – of course we are, we are literally tortured by the fact we don’t get to sleep through eight hours a night!
“I think there needs to be much more acceptance and understanding about the fact that women, once they have babies, become way more efficient…
“I know that since having kids, my output has increased massively and dramatically, but the amount of time it takes me to do anything has reduced.”
It has been an extremely busy year for Faith so far, with the release of her album and book. She’s just performed at Glastonbury, and is also working with travel experience platform, GetYourGuide.
They’ve just launched ‘The Paloma Faith Music Tour’ – curated and guided by the singer – and will allow fans to explore some of the iconic venues around the city which have been pivotal in Faith’s own life and career, such as Wilton’s Music Hall and the formidable Kit Kat Club.
“I am such a proud Londoner – it runs through my veins,” says Faith, who was born in East London’s Hackney. Having worked as a barmaid, actress and dancer, and forged her music career in the city, the tour feels especially close to home for the star, who says it was “fun” to put together.
GetYourGuide is running a raffle giving people a chance to win a spot on the tour later in the year (open until August 22, see full details at getyourguide.co.uk).
Reflecting on everything she has going on, Faith adds: “I am in a position of luxury, in that my life is never dull – and it’s impossible to be, or become boring, because it is just constantly different – I have a creative urge that has always been within me.”
Where does she think her drive comes from?
“In my childhood, I felt a big rejection, as I didn’t really have a father figure… and I think I have built this whole thing [career] subconsciously, because I want acceptance and validation, where maybe I didn’t think I had it as a kid from him,” reflects Faith, whose parents split when she was two.
“Wanting to communicate with people also really drives me, as I have always felt like an outsider or ‘weird-thinking’ compared to most people.
“I feel like I am always trying to disarm people and focus on what makes us similar, rather than what makes us different,” she adds. “I have been doing that a lot with the book – lots of people that I wouldn’t otherwise know or speak to have connected with me on universal things.”
As for what she hopes to be able to show her daughters, Faith says: “What I wish I could show them is how to rest. I didn’t have that growing up, as both my parents were workaholics, and I have become a workaholic.”
:: For a chance to win a slot on Paloma Faith’s Music Tour of London visit getyourguide.com. Raffle open until August 22. Experiences take place on September 5 and November 21.
