I WAS at a school event last week and found myself in the company group of girls aged between 14 and 16.
I had been invited along to talk to some teenage girls about women in journalism. When the event finished and we were awarded tea and biscuits
The conversation started off fine. I asked them about their future plans and other boring old people stuff. Then they began to talk among themselves. I understood a few words, but most of the time I stood there thinking that this must be what it's like to attend a school event in actual China when you don't speak a word of Chinese.
They were speaking 'teen' and I basically just stood there nodding and laughed when they laughed like I knew what they were saying.
When I left the event I picked up my son and his two teenage friends from school and transport them to football. They sat in the back seat of my car speaking 'teen' as we waited in traffic. Again, I understood a few words – 'like', 'and', 'the' etc – but the rest was mind boggling and, quite frankly, terrifying. For all I knew my son was planning a dangerous and elaborate bank robbery.
I vowed to never again be flummoxed by a foreign language. I vowed to become fluent 'teen' and I vow to make you fluent in the language also.
Remember the Da Vinci Code? Well that had nothing on this. Laid here before you this day, ladies and gentlemen, is an extensive glossary of slang words that will allow you to crack the Da Teenage Code, and help you understand what the Hell they are talking about on their phones or in the back of your car with their friends.
BAE
This sweet phrase means Before Anyone Else and is basically a term of endearment to describe their new, or otherwise, boyfriend or girlfriend.
TTYL
Talk to you later. I know we've been at school for six hours, and when I was walking home I was chatting with you on my phone, and then when I got home I sent you a SnapChat but, like, I'll TTYL, probably in about 3.3 minutes.
IRL
Not the registration for a car from 'down south' but rather teenage speak for 'In real life'.
On Point
Looking perfect, up to speed. And also, actual words said to me last week by a teenager – “OMG Miss! Your skinnies and boots are SO on point!”
Fleek
Basically the next level up from On Point. Like, totally, absolutely perfect. There is no higher level of perfectness.
YOLO
You Only, like, Live Once.
Obvi
The word obviously, like, without the hassle of having to say or type the time-consuming 'ously' bit.
TBH
The lazy teenager's way of saying 'to be honest', words which follow basically every other formation of words they say/text.
Beast
If something is 'beast' then it is pretty much the coolest thing they have ever set eyes on.
Zero Chill
Terribly, terribly uncool on a variety of different levels.
Slay
Someone slayed it, like, for example, Justin Bieber with his new song; in other words, it is epic.
V
Teen speak for 'very'.
CAF
Cool as... the word that rhymes with duck.
MOOS
Members of the opposite sex.
Life
Something that is that epic, it basically makes your life worthwhile eg 'OMG, this caramel latte is life'.
Feels
An extreme wave of emotions felt by teenage humans when something is extremely heart wrenching or cute.
ROFL
Roll on floor laughing.
Yaaaaaaassss!
Contrasting with every other teenage slang word, lazy teenagers actually add letters, and therefore hassle, into this word which means 'yes'.
Awks
A special northern Irish word, now meaning totally embarrassing.
POS
Parent over shoulder, as in they are minding their manners when texting or typing as you are peering over their shoulder.
Sick
When you're 'sick' these days, there's no need to call the doctor. Sick in teen terms means absolutely brilliant. For example the One Direction concert was 'sick'. The sick one who cancelled the previous show was 'terribad' which is a mixture of terrible and bad. But only for, like, 12 hours, then he was 'sick' – as in really brilliant and gorgeous and talented – again.
Hopefully this glossary will allow you to code break your teenager's language and open up the lines of communication. You're welcome. Or, as we are now fluent in teen, to put it in teenage lingo -– “Hopefully DIS gloSRE wiL aLow U 2 code brAk yor teenager's lngwij & OpN ^ d lines of cmUnik8shn. You're wlcm”.
