I AM in my 80s and have been a widower for over two years.
Although I have many friends, I feel quite alone, especially at nights and would like some company, especially in the evenings for walks, dinner or theatre etc or just being there.
Some people have suggested I get a dog, but I am in/out quite a lot and feel it would not work.
Any suggestions?
DA
FIONA SAYS: You don't really say whether you're looking for an intimate relationship or whether you simply want company.
If it's company, I would suggest you consider sharing your home in some way – perhaps a foreign student; perhaps a lodger.
A more intimate relationship might be more difficult as, whilst there may be ladies looking for someone like you, as you get older that becomes more and more unlikely.
I would suggest you consider using a respectable dating agency.
Whilst you say you have many friends, the fact you don't have anyone to go for walks/theatre/dinner with indicates to me that you could do with more.
Why not consider joining a club or group of some kind – perhaps even a dining or theatre club?
HOW CAN WE GET OUR SON TO TRY HARDER IN SCHOOL?
MY son is 15 and due to take his GCSEs next June, but at a recent school meeting, it became clear he isn't working as hard as he could and the school are concerned about his grades.
I feel it's vital for him to do well as the job market is so competitive; he could so easily end up without qualifications and unemployed, but he doesn't seem to understand this.
I've tried to badger him into studying, but all he wants to do is spend time with his friends.
I've even tried to restrict the days he goes out, but he just lazes about at home listening to music.
What can we do?
KP
FIONA SAYS: I can understand your anxiety, but push him too hard and it may make him worse.
There is nothing so stubborn as a teenager, and he may well be anxious himself, but he wouldn't want to let on to you.
If you push him too hard, he may feel there is no point in studying because he'll never be able to match your expectations of him.
Rather than criticising, why not try having a discussion where you encourage him to discuss why he is reluctant to study.
Tell him you realise you have probably been over-anxious and that you were not looking for perfection - only that he gives these exams his best shot.
After that, stand back a bit more.
I am not saying you should forget about his exams, but support and encouragement will almost certainly achieve more than your current anxiety and restrictions.
The bottom line is, it's his responsibility and failing some exams now doesn't mean he can't do well later.
There are plenty of people who've failed GCSEs, but gone on to achieve great things later.
I DON'T WANT TO HAVE A BABY
My husband and I simply cannot agree about family planning issues.
I really don't want to have any more children but he is quite keen.
I am really not happy about this and feel it is only a matter of time before I become pregnant again – which would be a disaster as far as I am concerned.
SF
FIONA SAYS: If having another baby is this important to you, please see your doctor or local Family Planning clinic as soon as you can and discuss this important issue.
They will then discuss all options open to you. If you are certain you do not want more children, you could consider the option of sterilisation.
It's a simpler option for your husband than it is for you, but I suspect it would depend on who is the most motivated.
Whatever you do, though, please do it quickly.
WILL HE EVER LEAVE HIS WIFE?
I HAVE been going out with a married man for the past two years.
He keeps saying he's going to leave his wife, but he never does and I'm getting fed up with it.
He leaves for a day or two, but then goes back to her again.
What do you think I should do to make him stay with me?
RL
FIONA SAYS: I know this will hurt, but I think you should resign yourself to the fact he is unlikely to ever leave his wife.
He clearly still cares about her, otherwise he wouldn't keep going back, and so, if he's not truly committed to you, your relationship isn't likely to last.
Presumably his wife has some idea about you, but, nonetheless, she keeps taking him back – perhaps they enjoy the cycle of rows and reconciliations.
It would seem theirs is a strong marriage and your chances of getting him to stay with you are very limited indeed.
If you continue to see this man, all you can expect is more of the same heartache.
Perhaps the time has come to find someone else.
