IS THE media making too much of sexual harassment? This is the question a lot of people are asking. Flash in the pan, I’ve heard – all be forgotten in a few months.
However, that is probably being said most often by those who have escaped unwanted attention. To the rest of us it’s a welcome chance to know you’re not the only one.
For me, very minor – a grope during a grapple for a tennis ball; a travelling vegetable man who put his hand up my jumper; a slap on my bottom over clothing by senior management and told I had great childbearing hips – all in my teenage years.
I laughed off the hip comment; I was shocked at the tennis-ball incident –and in the melee I didn’t know who the offender was; and I told my mum about the vegetable man. He was never seen in our neighbourhood again. Other advances – always at work – I coped with most often by telling other girls what had happened and so warnings went out to female colleagues and the men involved.
This important advice: write down what happened, dates, time, where and who. Find a trustworthy friend to confide in and pass a copy to him or her – often that’s enough to nip the behaviour in the bud but it’s evidence if things go further.
And let’s not forget this abuse effects men and boys too. The more the media delve into this subject the more it uncovers – sports clubs, ‘initiation’ ceremonies, and the rest.
Obviously this first came to public attention on a global scale with Trump’s behaviour; now Harvey Weinstein and his ilk, and more big names to come, I’ve no doubt – you can never read a book by the cover.
The staggering thing is the widescale nature of this behaviour – every single woman I’ve talked to has a story to tell, from men exposing themselves on dark evenings, even during daytime, to a woman now 60-plus still traumatised when her best friend’s father began sexually abusing her in his car on the way home from piano lessons: “Many times – how could I tell anyone? He was a trusted family friend and she was my best friend and I was 12.”
Another woman who was lured into a famous man's bedroom for an after-show party and ended up alone with no escape. He raped her and she didn’t tell anyone until after his death and his unspeakable crime became known to the general public.
“I couldn’t tell anyone. I was only a teenage girl – who would have believed me? He’d probably have said I was attention seeking. It has overshadowed my life.”
The ‘workplace’ seems to be the most common scene for this and, with Christmas parties coming up, now is the time for someone in authority to take the initiative and make it known to staff that every department has to have a 'head boy' or 'head girl' to go to in confidence when they are concerned or frightened.
I don’t believe the statistic that just over 50 per cent of women are sexually harassed during their life. I suspect more like 100 per cent – maybe minor infringement of your space and person but that is nonetheless unacceptable.
The word I would like to bring into the discussion is respect: men respecting women, women respecting men and, in this case, men respecting themselves. Why do some men act in his way? I was told – 'power', 'arrogance', 'feeling a woman is there for their benefit', 'misguided sense of affection'. There’s a big difference between sleazy behaviour and genuine attraction. One is totally out of order, the second can lead to happiness.
PALACE OF VARIETY
I REMEMBER the Empire Music Hall when it was the Botanic Avenue Irish Evangelical Presbyterian church and the Retirement Association met in the crypt. Today it’s throbbing with live music and laughter, one of the most popular venues in Belfast.
On Friday night be impressed when Barry Johnston will be along with Outlaw Country Men – a lot of people have been waiting for this night of Nashville history.
And what a line-up – Barry, on acoustic guitar, bas been on the Irish country scene for years and is front man with Illegal Smile (lovely bluesy voice), Rod Patterson, on double bass, even had a gig in Parliament Buildings with The Priests and not many people can say that!
The third member of the band is Ivan Gilliland who plays guitar and mandolin and has a CV to envy, having worked with Van Morrison, James Galway, Sinead O’Connor and Phil Coulter. The group came together as part of Belfast Culture Ireland Night last year and their night of Nashville history sold out.
This year they toured and on Friday they finish up at the Empire Belfast from 10.30pm then up to Coleraine to the Riverside Theatre for their last session on Saturday starting at 8 p.m. www.thebelfastempire.com phone 028 9024 9276
GOOD NEWS FOR SHAREHOLDERS
MY DOWNFALL is Hellman’s Mayonnaise – great with everything; on toast, in a wrap with fresh peaches, with Irish stew, delicious. And I’ve contributed to the fact that sales are up 6.9 per cent an increase of £152.2 million. Poor old faithful ketchup is way behind. Somehow tomato sauce with peaches in a wrap doesn’t appeal.
