THIS time of year seems naturally to be a time when we take stock of our lives, and how a family or individual person plans for and negotiates their way through the festive season can tell you much about how things are for them at the moment.
For example, I was speaking to someone recently who has had a difficult 2017, featuring distressed family relationships, a lot of physical illness and concerns about money, who spoke about dreading Christmas, including the emotional, logistical and financial demands that would probably be made of them during the holidays.
However, another person told me 2017 was probably the best year of their life, with positive close relationships, a new job and home to enjoy and much to look forward to. For this person, Christmas cannot come quickly enough, and is an opportunity to reflect on a great life, and celebrate in the company of family and friends.
Probably for most of us, we are approaching Christmas somewhere in the middle of these two extremes, maybe glad to see it coming, and maybe glad to see it go too.
One of the key themes to emerge in 2017 have been the revelations about alleged abuse of power and privilege in public life, particularly in the entertainment industry. The influential Time magazine awarded the Person of 2017 to 'The Silence Breakers', in recognition of the movement that has built around the 'Me Too' hashtag and the momentum generated by the disclosures, including those by well known figures.
The point is well made that if a person with a strong public presence and profile is worried about being believed or not, what chance has someone without such a public platform?
What about people living in situations where they are intentionally targeted on a persistent basis? What about people who are expected to meet intolerable and ever-increasing demands, with not enough resources or money to manage?
The PSNI report that in the year 2014/2015, they responded to domestic incidents every 19 minutes of every day. The scourge of domestic violence can reach new heights around this time of year, with unbearable pressure being put on a partner or relative to keep everyone happy during the festive season, especially if too much alcohol is taken, too much money is spent and too much is expected.
If as you read this you can see some of your own past, or indeed share some of these fears for the days ahead, then maybe like 'The Silence Breakers', you can take some steps to try to change what happens to you from now on. The first thing to do is talk to someone you trust, as being listened to and believed are crucial.
Remember that expecting to be treated with respect and to feel safe in your own home is your right, and you should not feel worried or ashamed about asking for this.
Help is available every day is available through the Women’s Aid Federation of Northern Ireland for women and men affected by domestic & sexual violence on freephone 0808 802 1414 or www.womensaidni.org (in the Republic of Ireland freephone 1800 341 900 or www.womensaid.ie).
I hope you have a safe and happy Christmas, and get some time to rest and relax. Best wishes to you had your family for 2018.
:: Dr Paul Gaffney is a senior clinical psychologist. His new book, The Family Game: What sport and psychology can teach us about parenting, will be published in January 2018.
