A GET well soon card goes this week to Pete Doherty who had a tussle with a hedgehog and didn’t win the belt.
Pete, a troubled troubadour, went to the aid of a hedgehog being hassled by his dogs and ended up with an infected finger for his trouble. It’s the least showbiz injury ever, yet strangely fitting.
Sleb Safari saw a headline which read “Peter Doherty stabbed by a hedgehog” which seems a little sensationalist, as though the hedgehog pulled a knife on him.
What actually happened was that one of Pete’s dogs took a shine to the prickly critter and picked it up (with its mouth obv) so Pete intervened and in the process was cut by one of the hedgehog’s spines.
It was a gallant act but Sleb Safari can’t help but feel that if Pete had waited another couple of seconds the dog would have spat out the hedgehog and he’d have been going to the vet’s rather than his local hospital.
Pete shared the anecdote on Twitter with a picture from his hospital bed.
“Zeus and Narco had the cute wee verminous Shnuffle shuffle pig of the hedge in their gobs and I wrapped my hand in a tshirt and freed the wee bugger and got a tiny cut. That was Wednesday night/Thursday morning.”
Then: “Cue three days in a van with a carefree attitude to potentially infected forefingers. Infectious new songs on the album though…”
He captioned the photo: “... me in a hospital bed with an infected hedgehog spike wound thank you to the wonderful men and women who work within the NHS.
“What absolute angels and a million times they deserve our respect and thanks.”
Pete once attempted, and defeated, the belly buster challenge at a greasy spoon so why not wrestle a hedgehog?
He lives in Margate and last summer he “smashed” the Dalby Cafe’s breakfast challenge which consisted of, deep breath, four pieces of bacon, four eggs, four sausages, a quarter-pound burger, hash browns, mushrooms, chips, onion rings, bubble and squeak, two slices of thick bread and a choice of beans or tomatoes. Plus a tea or coffee. Pete chose a strawberry milkshake. A Yazoo.
The mega breakfast doesn’t come on one plate. It doesn’t even come on two plates. It’s served on a metal tray which would comfortably hold enough sandwiches for a rural wake. And he ate it in less than 20 minutes.
Cafe owner Mark Ezekiel said Pete strolled down to the cafe with his dog.
“We told him he couldn’t feed his dog, or the challenge was void.
“He said he’d just spent four grand on his dog and wasn’t going to feed it fried breakfast.
“It’s like doing a marathon. He smashed it. I couldn’t believe it. He’d eaten half within about five minutes.”
Mark said Pete looked “chuffed” after he’d cleared his plate/tray.
“It’s always the ones you least expect. Although he is about 6ft 3in.”
Well, quite, but it’s not like he has hollow legs now is it?
Pete Doherty: Hedgehog rescuer and competitive eater. He's the local hero the people of Margate didn't know they needed.
Helena Christensen Can Wear What She Wants When She Wants
THE extremely gorgeous Helena Christensen wore a bodice to Gigi Hadid’s 24th birthday and caught some heat from former Vogue editor Alexandra Shulman who described the look as tacky and inappropriate for a 50-year-old.
Alexandra’s comments were 50 shades of wrong and Twitter had a field day with the things a 50-year-old woman should and should not wear.
Hat tip to Derry Girls actor Nicola Coughlan who tweeted the following handy list which Sleb Safari has printed and will post to any 50-year-old woman who wants a copy, just in case they’re dithering:
“Knives Sellotaped to your face
“A live dolphin as a scarf
“Wet tea bags fashioned into a dress
“Your internal organs on the outside of your body (health and safety)”
In conclusion: Women, wear what you want, where you want, how you want.
Competition Winners
The winners of a pair of tickets for Men I Trust at Voodoo in Belfast are:
Emma McFarlane from Belfast
Linda McGookin from Carrickfergus
Social Meda Smut
