CHRISTMAS Eve's eve is upon us and Sleb Safari is here with a handy print out/cut out and keep guide to surviving Christmas Day whether you are host or guest.
1 The number one rule at any dinner table and indeed any setting where alcohol is being imbibed, is do not discuss politics and please, please, please do not be the person who brings up Brexit. Give everyone the day off. Also, don’t be the person who says “Well, that’s it all over for another year” as you push your chair back from the Christmas dinner table
2 By all means suggest a board game or rousing game of charades but not if you’re the most competitive person in the county. No-one’s battery is at more than 50% after a turkey dinner and they don’t need you behaving like a dance mom.
3 Stock up on chocolate sweets. When you sense a conversation is about to go awry dispatch an agile child (guide age: 10) to race quickly around the room forcing sweets on to guests. No-one can argue with a toffee penny between their teeth.
4 Check the Christmas tablecloth is clean NOW. Do not assume you washed it before stashing it away last year.
5 Tablescapes are for Pinterest. In theory, yes, Sleb Safari would love a Narnia tablescape but in practice, no. How anyone has room for guests and food at a tablescaped table is a mystery. Light a few candles, put on your paper hat and both you and the table are dressed.
6 Begin marinating guests at noon on Christmas Day. However, if someone declines a drink do not press them, accept their decision.
7 If you are a guest staying overnight invest in an eye mask and ear plugs.
8 Similarly, if you are a guest, who is staying overnight or not, offer to clear the table/fill the dishwasher/put out the recycling/anything, just pitch in.
9 Do not defend your life choices to anyone. Simply murmur, “Excuse me, I must freshen my drink” regardless of whether you’re holding a cup of tea, neat vodka or a Toblerone, rise and leave the room. If you’re feeling particularly bold enquire sweetly if you can bring the person a drink and then simply go into another room. Perhaps even your bedroom where your eye mask and ear plugs will be waiting.
10 If you were the person who cooked Christmas dinner it is perfectly acceptable to eat an entire cheeseboard by yourself for breakfast on St Stephen’s Day. Heck, you’ve earned it.
And lastly, if Christmas really isn’t your thing or you’re feeling far from celebratory this year then remember that this too shall pass.
Competition: The Frozen Princess
SLEB Safari is giving away a family pass (two adults and two children) to The Frozen Princess pantomime at the Waterfront Hall in Belfast.
The family pass is for the 2pm matinee on Saturday January 4 and will be your last chance to catch the show which is based on The Snow Queen by Hans Christian Andersen and tells a story of adventure, friendship and bravery.
To be in with a chance to win the family pass answer the following question correctly:
Where was Hans Christian Andersen from?
Email your answer to competitions@ irishnews.com and please include a phone number and postal address. The competition closes at 11am tomorrow. Usual Irish News rules apply.
Creepy Cake Alert
THIS is the cake Taylor Swift got for her 30th birthday. How creepy is that? She loves cats, owns three and is starring in Cats but there’s still no need for this monstrosity. Sleb Safari’s going to have nightmares about this.
Christmas card competition is a thing
PRESENTER Rylan Clark-Neal has been sharing some of the Christmas cards he has received from famous friends.
Ruth Langsford and Eamonn Holmes have gone for a Downton Abbey theme for their tongue-in-cheek card and they look brilliant in character as lord and lady of the manor.
Lesley Joseph blew them out of the water with her Christmas card which depicts her meeting the Pope earlier this year when she took part in the excellent BBC Two series Pilgrimage.
Ruth and Eamonn are going to have to up their game next Christmas.
