TROUBLING news has reached Sleb Safari via bush telegraph about the antics of one heiress Nicola Peltz, and her betrothed, heir to the Beckham throne, Brooklyn.
The couple got engaged last year and their displays of devotion have been as entertaining as they are enlightening. However, the latest one has made Sleb Safari fear where all this could lead.
Nicola has only gone and turned their wisdom teeth into gold necklaces.
So Brooklyn, what made you fall in love with the *consults Instagram bio* actress/writer/producer/director Nicola Peltz?
“Well, she’s just such an incredible upcycler, you know?”
Perhaps matching extractions cast in gold are the new half-heart necklaces?
The last time we checked in on the couple was on the occasion of Brooklyn acquiring (another) tattoo tribute to his fiancée, a love letter she had written which he chose to have inked directly below a tattoo of her eyes on the nape of his neck.
“My forever boy, read this anytime you feel anxious,” the letter began.
“I want you to know how deeply loved you are. You have the kindest heart I’ve ever met and hope I never go a day without your love. I think you are so incredible.
“Just know we can get through it all together if you breathe slow and trust. I love you beyond. Love always, your future wifey.”
How Brooklyn was to read it when it was inked on his back was as much a mystery then as it is today. It’s not as though he has eyes on the back of his neck; oh wait...
So, not that anyone is keeping score… but if they were… Brooklyn got a tattoo of Nicola’s eyes and love letter and Nicola retorted by having their wisdom teeth upcycled into jewellery. Sleb Safari does not like this game of one-upmanship that the couple has succumbed to. What next?
Will Brooklyn keep removing hair caught in Nicola’s brush until he has enough to weave them both a gossamer scarf? Will Nicola wring out his gym gear and have the finest nose in Paris create a his n hers signature scent? Can we expect tonsils, appendix and ingrown toenails to be diamond encrusted and gifted on anniversaries?
Sleb Safari isn’t one to interfere but would respectfully ask David and Victoria plus Nelson and Claudia to keep an eye on this unfolding situation. Bad enough when they gift these things to each other but how much worse is it going to be when it’s you who’s on the receiving end?
Russell Watson is decluttering
RUSSELL Watson of I’m A Celebrity fame, ok, and of incredible singing voice, seven million albums sales and private audience with one Pope and three US presidents’ fame, has been explaining to The Mirror how he spent lockdown.
“When we went into lockdown, my wife in her wisdom decided to compile a list for me of all the things I’d been meaning to do but never got round to,” Russell confided.
“Top of the list was tidying the garden shed. I literally emptied the entire contents of the shed on to the lawn and slowly began to work through them.
“Without a word of a lie I found three bikes in there that I didn’t even know I owned. Now, for the first time in 10 years you can actually walk into the shed. Everything’s tidy and organised.”
Which begs the question, how big is that shed?
Kerry Washington is the Sag Awards' best dressed
KERRY Washington won best dressed at the Screen Actors Guild (Sag) Awards for that dress and headpiece and those nails. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.
