WHILST flicking onto a new month on my wall calendar, I had a moment of genius, finally understanding part of Einstein's theory of relativity – his full theory remains a mystery and beyond my limited capabilities.
No doubt auld Albert was correct when he stated, "time is relative, with its only worth dependent upon what we do as it is passing". I would argue with him, however, when he stated "regarding time, it doesn't matter its source or where you were in relation to it as it was never faster or slower".
Any of you over the age of 50 reading this will know that it feels like time speeds up as we get older.
My memories of childhood are of days spent in school which felt like weeks and months, and summer holidays which felt like years. But as soon as I started to work, got married and had children, years slipped past so quickly it felt as if God had pressed fast-forward on his remote.
Today, when I look in the mirror, I see an old man with a grey beard staring back who I hardly recognise. I can't remember going from ginger to grey, nor can I pinpoint exactly when my eyesight deteriorated to the point where I needed glasses. You'd think such momentous events would stay in the memory, but not a trace of them remain.
Never a fan of having my photo taken, practically none exist of me as a boy, and while I spent over a decade on television, I seldom watched or recorded my appearances, meaning I don't possess the usual markers of ageing.
Thankfully, there are other indelible markers, such as the ever-changing city in which I live. I was in Belfast city centre last Saturday night – an unusual outing for me – and was amazed by the pulsating crowds. For most of my life, Belfast at night was a ghost town around which you wouldn't find even dogs walking.
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What I call 'boom boom' music blared from the bars and clubs as I passed, and I realised I'd reached an age where I'm thinking, "and they call that music?". My musical taste was formed in the 1960s when you had melodies and lyrics, so to my ears, today's music feels both dissonant and soulless.
Another unavoidable indicator of time passing are children. It seems like yesterday that my baby son fell asleep lying on my chest, with his arms and legs splayed wide like a miniature sky diver: today, he's 15 and over six-feet tall, and if he lay on my chest, he'd kill me. My daughter, who I vividly remember in her communion dress, is today very much a young woman with her own mind… on everything.
Getting older has featured in my thinking recently after a number of high-profile cases of ageism in the workplace. While today's woke generation rightly rile at any hint of racism, sexism, or homophobia, there seems to be a tacit acceptance that it's fine to mock and deride the elderly.
Institutional ageism is rife with the first hint of grey hair or sagging skin viewed as justification for compulsory redundancy. And if I hear one more person argue that we need more 'young people' in politics, I may do damage. I wonder how the same people would react if told their doctor was 16, or the solicitor handling the sale of their house was just out of school?
I don't know about the rest of the oldies reading this, but I've no intention of "going quietly into that dark night": I'm taking the advice of the Welsh bard, Dylan Thomas, and will continue to "rail against the dying of the light".
For example, I'm presently working on taking my comedy onto the internet, supposedly the exclusive preserve of young hipsters. This new venture will involve learning a multitude of new skills, and while Einstein's theory of general relativity may be beyond me, I've managed to set up a small studio and master sound mixing, lighting and basic video editing.
I don't presume success for this new venture: luckily, in my mind, success isn't the point. The point is giving it a go, for you're only really over the hill when you hear yourself say, "no, I'm too old for that".
You can judge my attempts for yourself by searching for the Jake O'Kane channel on YouTube which, if you manage to find, don't forget to hit the 'subscribe' and 'bell notification' buttons for new videos.
