Belfast comedian Ciaran Bartlett: My goal has been to bulk up for several winters

I waken up, get a coffee, eat badly and then go back to bed for an hour. Then I get a coffee, eat badly and go back to bed for two hours. The biggest change is that I used to wash myself too...

I like chia seeds. I also like bacon sodas. Sometimes I have both and hope they cancel each other out.

Chaffles (chicken and waffles) at Joxer in Holywood.

Whatever Raffo's (fish and chips) can spare.

I've been working from home for over a decade now, making my living as a writer, primarily, so it was no great change for me - apart from a halt to gigs for about 18 months, which was tough.

My best meal is steak, potatoes and pepper sauce, but weekend treat is Chinese takeaway.

I've been on diets several times. They all went swimmingly as my goal was to bulk up for several winters.

Would you believe I lost a few pounds during lockdown? Mostly on the horses... I have been going on nice wee walks and lifting some weights at home. Mentally speaking, supporting Man United since Ferguson left has been like running a marathon every day. Have you seen me? I don't think people are keen to follow my physical regime. Seriously, I like going for walks with my wife, despite continually moaning about it. Mentally, I am a voracious reader and writer. I am currently knocking together a second PhD. This one is about mass communication in the Roman Empire.

I walk from my car to the counter of Kaffe O. I get my coffee. I walk from my car to the sofa. #fitness.

Call it sad, call it pathetic, but I relax best by playing war simulator video games like 'Hell Let Loose' and 'Squad'. I also love to scream at the wee cartoon ref on FIFA.

I am pretty much teetotal these days. I'll have a drink once or twice a year. Also, I definitely read tipple as Ripple and now want chocolate. Thanks for that.

Genuinely, I am doing a second PhD at the moment, in ancient history, so a lot of books I'm reading are for that - Paul Zanker's Images In The Age Of Augustus is a cracker. I'm also making my way through Don Winslow's Broken and James Ellroy's This Storm. Audible is reserved for Stephen Fry reading Sherlock Holmes and Harry Potter.

Best Netflix ever is Breaking Bad, surely, or Making A Murderer. Best recent Netflix must be Love Is Blind... great bunch of totally normal, regular, likeable people on there.

One of my eyes is massive compared to the other. I was so shocked that I widened my eyes and made it even worse. Also, one of my eyes has air trapped in the tear duct and it squeaks like a doll's eye.

Is sliding a massive cotton bud up my neb a skill or a hobby? I'm class at it. I tickled my brain one time and started speaking Russian. I am definitely a house-pet. I like sitting in, reading, playing games, having the craic, phoning crisp companies to ask them inane questions about their products. I am never bored at home. It's outside that's the problem for me.

I played in goal for some school teams. When the coaches would say make yourself 'big', I took it too seriously. I think they have a statue of me outside the PE department in Aquinas Diocesan Grammar.

So hard to choose between Harry Maguire and the Tories.

My main priority is coughing loudly near people to see how they react.

I think people staying at home when they are sick is a thing we should be doing anyway. People who bring a flu to a gig need a wee slap.

To sell out, in every sense: to sell out club shows, sell out the Ulster Hall, sell my soul to the theatre...

This varies wildly. Sometimes I'll get to bed after 3am, but usually it's around 1am or 1.30am. I always top up with naps. I suffered from pretty relentless insomnia for some years, but I have a good pattern now. Insomnia is grim.

No. I'm here for a good time, not a long time...