ALTHOUGH I might sometimes give the impression that these reports are hastily cobbled together in an effort to satisfy the tyranny of a newspaper deadline, nothing could be further from the truth, writes William Scholes.
These 1,400 words are in fact the culmination of extensive research, detailed analysis and other throwbacks to proper journalism, such as awareness of context.
I have to drive the car, of course. Before the coronavirus pandemic made air travel even less appealing, this might have involved flying to some far flung European destination for the vehicle's launch. Or, if a far flung European destination was beyond the manufacturer's launch budget and marketing plan, Birmingham.
I haven't flown anywhere since March. The crack of dawn starts, nights away from home and airport security have not been missed.
Thankfully, car company press offices are still sending vehicles over to Northern Ireland so they can be assessed on Irish roads.
This is the best way of getting to know a car. Rather than a few hours' driving on a foreign launch, it's an opportunity to spend proper time with it, to live with it as you might if you owned one.
My comprehensive research methods also include canvassing the views of a wide range of people, some of whom are renowned for their cool judgment and deep knowledge. Others include my neighbours.
My son and his friends provide vital input from the 11-year-old boy demographic.
As I hope you can tell, no stone is left unturned...
There is a serious point here. Cars, I would argue, are more than mere means of transport. They are also cultural artefacts - that's one of the reasons I still find them fascinating - and how people react to a particular model intrigues me.
"Is that your mother-in-law's car?" was one of the comments elicited by the car on this page today.
It wasn't. For the record, my mother-in-law drives a Rover, and this car is the Suzuki Ignis.
My neighbour's wisecrack reflects the fact that this is one of the most distinctively styled cars on sale today. It invites a response. You can't ignore it. Like your mother-in-law, perhaps...
It's a polarising little thing, this Ignis. You will either love it or, if not hate it, quickly dismiss it because it looks so, well, different.
This is a tiny car, and gives the impression of being a cube, as wide and tall as it is long. One of my son's friends said - admiringly, I add - that it looked like a Lego car.
My test car was painted in red with a contrasting black roof. It put me in mind of a Christmas tree bauble.
Lego and Christmas trees are positive associations for any car design to evoke, made possible by the Ignis's size, proportions and stance.
"Is that your mother-in-law's car?" was one of the comments elicited by the Suzuki Ignis. It wasn't... but this is a car that invites a response. Like your mother-in-law, you can't ignore it
I'm not sure it's a good design, though, at least not in the sense that a Mazda 3, for example, is a classically 'good' design.
There's simply too much going on for such a small vehicle - it's a confection of rally car blistered arches, SUV cues like skid plates and a raised ride height, and a front aspect that conveys a puppy's wide-eyed enthusiasm.
Perhaps the Ignis's most striking aspect is the steep slash in the back door's window line and the three stripes stamped into the pillar at the extremity of the car.
This is a reference to a similar design feature from a small car in Suzuki's distant past, though it also led some of my kerbside reviewers to think it was an Adidas car - an understandable connection, I think, given that the Ignis also looks a bit like a training shoe.
Look past the bold exterior styling, however, and you find an excellent small car.
This shouldn't be a surprise. Suzuki makes some of the best small cars around. In fact, so expert is it that it has a new partnership with Toyota to help one of the industry's giants develop its small cars; in exchange, Toyota will lend Suzuki its hybrid know-how for larger cars.
Precious few new cars have what might be called personality or character, whether by virtue of their styling or their usefulness or how they drive. The Ignis has it abundance
The butch, rufty-tufty looks aren't just an affectation either. You can get the Ignis with four-wheel-drive, a technology that Suzuki excels at.
This makes it one of a very small band of cars of this size or comparable price that come as a 4x4.
Apart from other Suzukis - the Swift and the far more off-road serious but still cute Jimny - the only other genuinely capable alternatives are the Dacia Duster and Fiat Panda. The Panda is probably the closest in spirit to the Ignis.
Suzuki's 'Allgrip' system adds just 45kg to the car. It's an automatic viscous coupling set-up, though the driver can manually activate hill descent and 'grip control' systems to help the Ignis in particularly sticky situations.
The four-wheel-drive hardware does steal some of the already limited boot space, however, reducing volume to 204 litres compared to the front-wheel-drive car's 260 litres.
That is another indication that this is a small car. The entry level SZ3 model has a rear seat designed for three people, but you would do well to get Alvin and two other chipmunks in there.
A better bet is the two individual seats in the back of SZ-T and SZ5 models. These slide backwards and forwards too.
The Ignis is roomy up-front, even for lanky operators like me. The dashboard is clearly laid out and the interior is well built. Don't expect plush soft-feel materials though - hard, shiny plastics are the order of the day.
Still, it's a well equipped car. SZ3 models, from £14,249, get LED headlights, rear privacy glass, DAB radio, Bluetooth and air conditioning.
The mid-range SZ-T (£15,749) gains 16-inch alloy wheels, roof rails, some tougher looking body trim, a 'smartphone link display' screen for your Apple CarPlay and Android Auto requirements and that pair of sliding rear seats.
Top-of-the-range SZ5 (£16,749) adds auto air conditioning, satellite navigation, cruise control, keyless entry and engine start, door mirror mounted indicators, a dual camera brake support system and safety aids like lane departure warning and weaving alert.
Allgrip four-wheel-drive comes only with SZ5 trim and adds £1,000 to the price.
Whatever trim level you opt for, you get a raised driving position for a fine view of the road ahead.
This contributes to making the Ignis easy to drive, aided by light steering and pedals.
Compared to other Suzuki models, such as Drive favourite the Swift, it has to be said that the Ignis's controls don't feel as consistently weighted or as satisfying to use.
It's an eager little thing, though. The fact it weighs just 900kg - crisp packet-light by today's standards, and an example of Suzuki's expertise in making strong, lightweight cars - is a factor, but so too is its zippy four-cylinder 1.2-litre mild-hybrid engine.
A five-speed manual is standard though a CVT automatic can be specified for an extra £1,000 on SZ-T and SZ5 grades. Whatever transmission or how many driven wheels your Ignis has, you'll have a very frugal little car.
Suzuki quotes official fuel consumption figures of up to 55.7mpg. I managed to better this during my week with my four-wheel-drive test car, despite periods of sustained throttle application (in the interests of research...).
Small outputs of 82bhp and 79lb ft mean the Ignis is only going to be slow. OK - it's very slow. Acceleration, if that's the correct word, is best described as gentle. The 0-62mph time is in the 13 seconds territory.
If you've any sense of mechanical sympathy you'll not attempt to recreate that figure, nor will you trouble a top speed that in some versions doesn't break into three figures.
Those figures don't convey how the Ignis responds quickly to the throttle, or how it feels like a spaniel tugging on a leash when you put your foot down.
Yes, it doesn't tug very hard for very long... but it's enthusiastic, and fits with the car's personality.
And personality, I suppose, is the key word here. Precious few new cars have what might be called personality or character, whether by virtue of their styling or their usefulness or how they drive.
The Ignis has it abundance. Your mother-in-law mightn't like it, but the Ignis is a charming little car and a reminder that cars can be fun, even if they have divisive looks.
