FATHER Christmas might be the world's best known celebrity but we know surprisingly little about the man behind the snow-white beard, writes William Scholes.
He doesn't grant many interviews but this year, on the eve of his annual global present-giving mission, he has agreed to speak to the Irish News.
We've been fortunate enough to speak to him in the past. On that occasion, he was keen to show us around his latest sleigh and reveal some of the secrets that allow him to lap the world at speeds of up to 650 miles a second.
This time, however, he wants to reassure anxious parents and children that he and his team are fully compliant with Covid-19 safety measures.
"As soon as the World Health Organization declared that this new coronavirus was a global pandemic, my SAGE team," - Santa's Advisory Group on Epidemics, he explains - "sprang into action," he explains.
"We've had recent experience of this sort of thing, of course."
He's referring to the Spanish flu which affected Christmas in both 1918 and 1919.
"It's very unfair that people today think it was all the fault of the Spanish," he sighs.
As soon as the World Health Organization declared that this new coronavirus was a global pandemic, SAGE - Santa's Advisory Group on Epidemics sprang into action
Santa Claus and the team of elves who are in his bubble were among the first to get the Pfizer Covid-19 vaccine.
"We've had the first dose but won't get the second until New Year's Eve," he says, unzipping the bulky anti-gravity suit that gives him his tubby appearance.
"That means we can't let our guard down. We're very conscious we'll be in and out of people's home so we've developed a hand Santa-tising system to reduce the risk of infection."
A special filter has been incorporated into his beard so Father Christmas doesn't need to wear a face covering.
"We tried several different designs of mask but it wasted too much time," he explains. "Plus, we couldn't work out how to stop my glasses from steaming up."
Father Christmas blames Covid concerns for an unfortunate episode last week when he was stopped by the PSNI during a training run in Belfast last week.
"It's understandable that some people, including police officers, are nervous and anxious, but when these things happen I sometimes wonder if the officials in question are holding on to childhood disappointments of not getting the Lego set they wanted when they were six," he reflects.
Father Christmas blames Covid concerns for an unfortunate episode last week when he was stopped by the PSNI during a training run in Belfast last week
Santa Claus has been interested in Amazon's ever-improving efficiency in parcel delivery during 2020 but is confident the online retailer won't ever approach his own formidable abilities.
"I've been at it for centuries," he smiles. "And I've never needed a computer or algorithm to help me."
Looking forward to 2021, he confesses he is a little worried about Brexit. "It looks like I'm going to have to change my whole route in the western European quadrant because of this so-called Irish Sea border," grumbles Father Christmas.
"At the moment I head to Northern Ireland from Scotland, but that's not going to be feasible next year - how can I possibly put customs declaration labels on all the parcels?
"I would need to bring another team of elves to look after that, but at that stage of the journey there could be some weight distribution problems in the sleigh.
"That's bad enough, but the prospect of having to get vets to inspect the reindeers before they are allowed in Irish airspace is a step too far.
"Rudolph said Blitzen didn't speak to him for a week when he mentioned it as a possibility."
The sleigh that will be blasting through the skies tomorrow night is an update of last year's model.
"It performed so well, particularly in the bumpy Tropic of Capricorn region, that it didn't really need much finessing," says Father Christmas.
That means it has an all-carbon fibre structure for the bodywork with titanium runners. These give the best bite in the snow, explains Santa.
Perhaps the biggest upgrade is a new infotainment system with Apple CarPlay. "I love my tunes," he says.
"There's nothing like a rousing carol to get the present distribution rate up or to encourage you down a dark chimney."
As ever, he won't be drawn on what form of propulsion the sleigh uses to assist the reindeers.
It's clearly a hybrid system of some description - possibly a Trojan Horse Flux Capacitor - though his commitment to the reindeers means that it is impossible to imagine Father Christmas ever going fully electric.
With that, Santa makes his apologies and returns to give the reindeers and sleigh a final shakedown, and to put his elf assistants through their paces.
They will all rest today as the sleigh is loaded in readiness for the global delivery run that starts tomorrow.
There'll be magic in the air when Santa visits and he'll be gone before you know he's even arrived. But if you do hear the gentle peal of bells somewhere high in the star-pocked sky, you'll know who it is.
