HELLO and welcome to the Sleb Safari Celebrity Awards of 2021. As always, it was a close-run race and a game of two halves. There were winners, there were losers, but what mattered was the taking part.
You Can Take The Boy Out Of… Award
In March Eamonn Holmes blew his cover. Speaking to Vicky Pattison on her podcast The Secret To… Eamonn blithely announced that he had boxes of Tayto crisps piled high in the garage that Ruth didn’t know about.
“I actually have my crisps imported from Northern Ireland,” he told an impressed Vicky.
“Do you do Taytos?” Vicky asked.
Eamonn admitted he did indeed “do Taytos” and added: “I get special shipments.”
To which Ruth listening at home said ‘Not any more you don’t Buster, you told me those were things you had ordered for the dog.’
Best gentle reminder to be kind online
Yorkshire Tea won this last year but the 2021 champion was Iain Stirling who told The Guardian that he looks for tweets about himself when he's at his lowest ebb.
"I put my name into Twitter when I am on my own, bored and feeling a bit paranoid or lonely. If somebody says something nasty about me and saw that I'd seen it, they'd probably think: 'Yeah that's arrogant Stirling looking up his own name.' Actually, I was probably just a little bit sad, and punishing myself for whatever reason."
Headline Of The Year Award
There had to be three joint winners this year - “You have no authority here Jackie Weaver” plus “Katie Price raffling her hair extensions” and “Paul O’Grady wants to come back as a plate-throwing poltergeist”.
Celebrity Showbiz Injury Of The Year Award
This was a closely fought contest, despite none of the contenders realising they were in the running.
The top three were Fran Healy, who was gnawed on by a sausage dog; Kate Beckinsale who was hospitalised by a pair of leggings and Richard Branson who took a nasty tumble from a bike.
And the award goes to… Fran Healy whose story had both stitches and Stevie Nicks. In short, Fran tried to help a dog that ran from a road traffic collision and the dinky little dachshund sank its teeth into his hand. Neighbours rang for an ambulance, a fire engine turned up instead and “five Calvin Klein models got out”. And while Fran’s fingers were being stitched, the dog was returned to its owner who lives in Stevie Nick’s old house. Travis’ next album just wrote itself.
Say What Now Award
Many were called for this award but only one was chosen. In June Vin Diesel spoke at length to Men’s Health about his career in front - and behind - the camera and took credit for a chunk of Steven Spielberg’s career too.
After two days filming a scene for Saving Private Ryan from every conceivable angle Vin Diesel had a suggestion.
"Hey, Steven, where's your C camera?"
"What? Why?"
"Put a C camera in that second-floor window.”
Vin isn’t looking for praise, he was happy to help.
"But it was a blessing, and I can say that because Steven was also the person who said - he'll say to this day - 'I didn't hire you just as an actor, Vin, I expect you to be directing. I expect you to be directing'."
Vin Diesel, the director’s director.
It’s Not What You Know Award
In October Brooklyn Beckham appeared on breakfast TV in the US as a guest chef for a live segment. “Guest chef?” Sleb Safari hears you ask, “Isn’t Brooklyn a photographer?”
In a classic case of ‘famous for being part of a famous family’, Brooklyn was invited on to the Today Show to teach America how to make the “English breakfast sandwich” as taught to him by his great grandmother.
He threw sausage, bacon and egg between two unbuttered pieces of white bread and everyone lost their mind. Who’s to say what Brooklyn will turn his hand to next.
Happy new year everyone!
Kristin Davis as Monica?
Sleb Safari loves a good celebrity sliding doors moment and Kristin Davis has delivered.
Kristin auditioned for the part of Monica in Friends and knew Courteney Cox already because they attended the same yoga class. It was LA in the nineties so Sleb Safari is picturing leg warmers, cycling shorts, a bum bag and hair scrunchie.
“Courteney and I were in the same yoga class at the time and we used to hang out,” Kristin told James Corden.
“The rest of us were unemployed actor/waitress types and we would hang out after class.
“One day Courteney was like, ‘Do you want to come car shopping with me? I’ve done this pilot and I feel really good about it and I think I’m going to buy a Porsche’.
“We were like, ‘Wow, is she for real?’ And it was Friends and it did go very well.”
Four years later Kristin got the part of Charlottte in Sex And The City so that was definitely a yoga class that got results.
Jamie Demetriou reflects on dad’s childhood
A TIMELY reminder from Stath Lets Flats writer and star Jamie Demetriou that no matter how bad things get, “salvation could be around the corner”.
“My dad grew up in a village with no money, no shoes. He was sent to the UK aged 12 without knowing where he was going or being able to speak English,” Jamie told The Guardian.
“He lived on the street for a few months until he heard a Greek voice. That Greek family took him into their kitchen and let him wash up for his lodgings.
“By 18, he was a proper chef in posh central London restaurants. I’m very proud of him for that. It taught me an important lesson.”
