IN a semi-regular feature Sleb Safari likes to call Celebrities: They’re Just Like Us the celebrities predictably fall into two camps - Relatable and Unrelatable. Relatable equals Seal eating a loaf of bread in one sitting, slice by tasty slice. It’s Rod Stewart and his love of Zara, it’s Keira Knightley bouncing on a trampoline with her daughter every single day during lockdown and it’s Carol Decker of T’Pau fame who found joy in growing cress on the windowsill during the same period of time.
The unrelatable camp is populated by the likes of Mark Wahlberg who gets up at 2.30am to work out, Stevie Nicks whose shawls are stored in a climate controlled vault, Barbra Streisand for having a shopping mall in her house and The Rock for many, many reasons, starting with his love of a middle of the night gym session. Can’t these things wait until daybreak?
Today we have a new celebrity on whom to bestow this honour… but on which side of the camp shall they pitch their tent? Step forward H from Steps, real name Ian Watkins. You’ll know who he is because there are only two men in Steps and one has dark hair and that’s not him.
H likes to go on holiday, so far so relatable, and he travels to where his budget allows - a second tick in the relatable column. He also likes to be left in peace on holidays - tick, tick, tick. Nobody wants to bump into Darren from the office on the beach in your swimmercrackers.
Steps have had a lot of hits but, putting 5, 6, 7, 8 to one side, their best known is Tragedy. It’s been around for 22 years, fact fans, and if H wants to hear someone sing it to him he’ll go on tour with the rest of the band, thanks very much.
“I’m a single dad and, together with my six-year-old twin sons, Macsen and Cybi, I often take a package holiday to Menorca,” he explained to The Times.
“Because everybody’s British I end up spending two weeks with my hat on. Most people are respectful if they do recognise me but I can have my belly out by the pool and somebody will suddenly sing Tragedy to me. That’s not what I want from a holiday.” Well quite H. That doesn’t sound remotely relaxing.
How and ever, H has found a new way to relax and his BYO rule is yet another tick in the relatable column, making him a fully fledged camper alongside Rod, Seal, Keira and Carol.
“Recently I’ve been doing a crawl of Champneys’ luxury spa resorts between concerts. I’ve just spent a week on my own at their Henlow resort and it was pure indulgence. Reading a book while drinking prosecco every night; I was really living the dream. I did nothing and spoke to nobody. My top tip is to bring your own prosecco.”
Now, that doesn’t sound like a tragedy at all.
Diane Kruger's hair dilemma
Diane Kruger had a bit of a hair don’t recently when she managed to dye her blond hair grey which… Sleb Safari doesn’t understand... but is happy to be educated about.
Diane posted on Instagram that she was an idiot which saddened Sleb Safari, it doesn’t think people should ever say such mean things about themselves.
“You know who’s an idiot. Omg here I am thinking I should do a box colour to cover my few grays and then… the whole head turned gray… yeah… that’s me… just call me stupid. Help.”
How do you un-do that? Someone please educate Sleb Safari.
Julianne Moore's wise words
Wise words from actor Julianne Moore:
“As you get older, you’re less hung up on looks. I think it’s because you have other things that you are interested in, such as family, relationships, work or your community. Being myopic about the way you look recedes. I don’t think it goes away entirely, I don’t think there is a person in the world who couldn’t care less, everybody cares somewhat. But the degree to which you are interested in that, and the fruitlessness of that, becomes apparent as you get older.”
