John Toner was a big man. Big in stature, big in heart and big in the industry he loved.
His was a name synonymous with the Northern Ireland hospitality trade for nearly 40 years.
John was born in beautiful Mullaghmore, Co Sligo in 1948, where the mighty Benbulben throws a long shadow and where is said to rest the lovers of folklore, Diarmuid and Gráinne. He was one of five children along with Charles, Dorothy, Pat and Anne.
John had an illustrious career, mainly with the prestigious Hastings Group, but his baptism of fire started one summer when working at the Copper Grill, Newry.
In at the deep end, John soon discovered that hospitality was where his heart lay.
Had he pursued the career his father wanted for him, he probably would have ended up a deputy manager in a provincial bank.
As it was, John would become one of the most recognisable faces in the Irish hotel trade.
If his employer, Billy Hastings, was the sultan of NI hospitality, John was his grand vizier who made things happen within the hotels.
In the year before his death, he penned a biography which charted his life, including all the highs and accolades alongside the turbulence and stormy seas. It was a brutally honest and humbling read.
The recent history of Northern Ireland in all its awfulness took place under the watchful eye of the John Toner’s tenure as MD of Belfast’s Europa Hotel – famously once the most bombed hotel in Europe.
Many individuals self-publish in a vainglorious attempt to make themselves sound important. John did not. His was very personal story, which seemed in parts cathartic.
John, as was his style, was searingly open about his testing childhood with a mother who battled alcoholism and a father who struggled with depression.
The picture painted was not recalled through rose-tinted glasses. That said, he loved his parents and grew strong bonds with his siblings. Family was always everything to John.
With considerable candour, he also did not spare himself and talked about tackling his own demons with alcohol.
John was not a man given to self-pity or excuses. He took responsibility for his actions by demonstrating a resolve and strength of character.
Buddha said: “It is better to conquer yourself than win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours and cannot be taken from you.”
John conquered himself and won through with the devotion of his wife, the love of his children and siblings and support from his wide circle of friends.
John Toner was a person with a deep emotional well to draw on – not least from the love of his life, his wife, Cathy.
The testimonies of those close to him bear witness not just to a life well lived but of a man who was much loved.
Maya Angelou wrote: “People will often forget what you said, they may even forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
Nowhere is that better exemplified than in the life of someone who worked their way from the bottom of the hospitality industry to being one of its captains. A man who inspired – a man who had a broad smile and outstretched hand to all he met.
Whether a guest was a president or a plumber, John ensured the level of service was of the same exemplary high standard. He knew people will always remember “how you made them feel” .
John faced his deteriorating health with determination and fortitude. Not many could write a book in their final years. John never sought sympathy or pity.
He carried on living one day at a time, cherishing every extra minute with those he loved. John walked his final months with dignity, enjoying his family, Facebook and, of course, his beloved county Down and Newcastle home.
CS Lewis wrote that “the Mourne mountains, in a particular light, made me feel that at any moment a giant might raise his head over the next ridge”.
John was a giant of a man, whose being slowly disappeared under the ridge of Slieve Donard.
John Toner died on January 11. He is survived by his beloved wife, Cathy, his devoted children, Paul, Ciara, Gareth, Claire and Matthew, nine grandchildren and three siblings.
Tom Kelly