Just like any other Irish person worth their salt, I enjoy a good whinge.
Some might think that grousing should be the territory of a person with problems or genuine concerns to air out, but not us.
We’ve even learned how to gripe while directly stating that we aren’t, when somebody asks how we are and we reply with the well-worn: “I can’t complain; nobody would listen” – now that’s talent!
Gurning about the weather is an Irish pastime, as we can always rely on the fact that it’s either raining or about to rain.
I remember visiting a cafe with an aunt who good-naturedly commented on the “beautiful weather outside” to a grim-faced waitress, who simply responded with “it’ll be raining again tomorrow” without looking up from her notepad. What a ray of sunshine she was.
Why do we do it? Because it feels good, or because we don’t want anyone to think we’re doing OK in case they ask us for money?
Granted, talking therapy is statistically proven to improve mental health but the opposite can be said for the negative mindset that comes with the chronic cry-baby.
This might sound a bit strange but I sometimes feel sorry for people who aren’t alcoholics simply because they can’t go to AA meetings and absorb all the free group therapy.
This is where I learned the practice of gratitude but thankfully, not everyone needs to develop a drinking problem to engage in tried-and-true psychological intervention strategies.
So what is it? Essentially, it does what it says on the tin. If we wake up each morning and think of things that we are thankful for – one of which can simply be owning a bed – it is proven to cultivate and increase positive feelings, which can contribute to improved mental wellbeing and overall life satisfaction.
I read about one man who conducted an experiment by making a commitment to inwardly thank all the people involved in producing his morning coffee for exactly one year, from the people who grew and picked the beans to the barista who handed him the cup.
Through this he learned that on the mornings when he was in a terrible humour but did it anyway, the cognitive dissonance that the thankfulness caused amid his angry thoughts was enough to adjust his mindset and foster positive emotions.
This may sound like hokum to many of you but the MRI doesn’t lie, and a study of people who decided to practice daily thankfulness showed greater activity in the pre-frontal cortex, the area of the brain responsible for emotional regulation, decision-making and executive function (basically all the things that Donald Trump is terrible at, therefore proving he’s a miserable person).
I sat with a friend recently who was complaining about his life and I made the suggestion that he list some things that he is grateful for, so he thought for a few moments before saying “I don’t have anything”, which kind of stung given that at that particular time he had at least one mate.
Turns out there is such a thing as lost-cause folks, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, because the main takeaway is that happiness does not lead to gratitude – it is gratitude that leads to happiness.
How many times this year have you already heard some variation of “January is a terrible month”?
It might be true, but rather than be a ‘misery-bake’ and agree, I would counter with “but it’s a new year and we made it out of the last one alive”.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not one of those neurotically happy people who would tell you to ‘cheer up’ on a cancer ward. I also must admit that I’m helped along by a daily dose of Prozac, so if contentment was an Olympic sport I would be disqualified for doping.
But I have recently made a habit of texting my friend each morning with my ‘list’ and she sends one back.
Some days I can only be grateful for antidepressants, the kids being in school and an energy drink, but it helps to have an attitude of gratitude.
I dare you to give it a go right now. Think of three things you’re thankful for and see if it has improved your mindset.
Many say “It’s easier to act your way into a new way of thinking than think your way into a new way of acting”, so don’t just take my word for it.
Good luck, and if it works, thank me later.
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