Oh good, we are going to have a united Ireland. Gerry Adams says so. His even better news is that it may be a non-traditional united Ireland, "which could mean continued devolution to Belfast within an all-island structure".
That presumably means it will be a united Ireland with a border - but not a divisive border, you understand. It will be more of a uniting border. That's it - an Ireland united by the border. It is the one thing Ireland, north and south, has in common. (Well, apart from the NAMA scandal.)
It will probably be a shiny new border, with lots of bordery things along it. (No, I don't know what sort of bordery things. Use your imagination.)
There will be bouncy castles for the children and just like the peace process, it will be the most successful border in the world. (Those who oppose it will be labelled as anti-border elements.)
So, we have just had the only sectarian war in Irish history in which both sides were fighting for the same thing - to keep the border. (You will be glad to know that both sides won.)
Mr Adams was speaking south of the bordery things at the Dublin launch of Sinn Féin's book on what it calls uncomfortable conversations. As you can see, some of those conversations deserve less serious consideration than others.
Meanwhile, north of the bouncy castles, the sectarian conversation was, initially at least, a bit more comfortable and more serious. The British and Irish governments agreed to once again accommodate, or even reward, failure at Stormont by effectively guaranteeing its future. While there will be no new money for welfare, the British may provide funds in other areas.
The Irish government may throw in some additional money for the A5 and it will contribute towards the cost of monitoring cross-border crime. Political parties can now concentrate on talks-fuelled electioneering, secure in the knowledge that Stormont's continued existence will fund them all to the tune of £860,000 annually.
The DUP receives over £200,000. Sinn Féin gets £178,000 and the SDLP brings in £127,000. This money goes directly to the parties.
MLAs personally receive £5.8 million in salaries and £8.3 million in expenses. Including Westminster MPs and councillors, politicians and their parties here cost the taxpayer about £18 million annually. So what exactly do we get for our money? Now, there is an uncomfortable conversation which no one has started.
It is unlikely to begin any time soon, because attempts to start two other uncomfortable conversations this week produced little response from those talking up their own interests at Stormont.
The first one came from the leaders of the four main Irish churches. Following consultation with a wide variety of organisations, they concluded that: ``The unacceptable level of child poverty, affecting over 100,000 children, roughly 6 per cent of Northern Ireland’s population, constitutes a real crisis." They argued for a long-term vision from Stormont to address poverty and socio-economic inequality.
Their insightful analysis might be construed as a suggestion that sectarian politics are the opium of the people. The churches are now more politically progressive than our politicians in identifying social and economic priorities.
The second attempt at an uncomfortable conversation came from Dr Michael McKenna, a west Belfast GP. He pointed out that some patients face a two-year wait for their first hospital appointment (three years in some cases). However, they can access a private appointment within five days for £150, quite often with the same consultant. (Response from the Stormont talkers: stony silence.)
With 373,000 patients waiting on a hospital appointment, we now have one of the worst hospital waiting lists in Europe. (Again there has been only silence from Stormont, which might be interpreted as: "We don't have a health minister to see you right now. He is trying to nurse his own party back to electoral health.")
Finally, who is willing to suggest the most uncomfortable conversation of them all? How can an Independent TD in Dublin and a loyalist flag protester in Belfast claim to know what has been going on in the First Minister's office, while the Deputy First Minister claims to know nothing?
Are Stormont's shameful policy failures a consequence of dysfunctional systems and structures at the heart of government - or is there another explanation? In response to allegations which would certainly threaten the existence of any other European administration, all we have had is non-explanatory silence.
You see, our politicians might like to recognise that it is not the uncomfortable conversations which are a priority. It is the uncomfortable silences.
