WE really should have seen this coming. When Boris Johnson said 'you must stay at home' during his landmark address at the start of lockdown in March he of course meant you (as in the general public) and not we (as in anyone who believes they are not part of the general public).
And when he said that people would only be allowed to leave their homes to shop for essentials; if they had a medical need; to exercise once a day, and to work, if they could not work from home, and would be fined if they broke the rules, what he actually meant was 'just ignore me and carry on doing whatever you like'.
Just as 1980s crooner Richard Marx meant to sing he "wouldn't" be right here waiting for you, or U2 admitted that they had found what they were looking for after all, what Boris really intended was for us all to have giant street parties and invade each other's personal space in Tesco.
Surely that's the only reasonable explanation for the prime minister's insistence on backing his most senior adviser, Dominic Cummings, after Mr Cummings drove 260 miles from London to his family's farm Co Durham with his young son and wife, who had coronavirus symptoms.
Mr Johnson insisted that Mr Cummings's trip was entirely reasonable because he went into self-isolation and the "circumstances of that isolation were determined by their (Mr Cummings and his wife's) childcare needs".
Although he also said Mr Cummings had "followed the instincts of every father and every parent - and I do not mark him down for that".
Notably Mr Johnson's own instincts are reflected on his Wikipedia page which says that he has "at least six" children and has never disclosed how many he has actually fathered.
Mr Cummings's extraordinary press conference at Downing Street on Monday afternoon certainly did nothing to resolve matters.
Just as absolute monarchs like to keep their public waiting, he arrived half an hour late to the conference. His brief and entirely perfunctory apology for the delay was a sign of things to come.
Coming across like a bigger boy who keeps getting detention for refusing to stick to petty school uniform rules, Mr Cummings was clearly irritated at being questioned by a line of journalists and increasingly tied himself in knots.
Why didn't he tell his boss, Mr Johnson, of his plans to drive to Co Durham? Boris was sick from Covid-19 and had "a million things on his plate".
Why did he drive to a castle half an hour from his family farm when non-essential travel was banned? Apparently to check his eyesight and make sure he was fit to drive to London after (possibly) contracting coronavirus.
Did he regret his decision and had he considered resigning? No and decidedly no.
There were so many choice cuts from the press conference, not least his insistence that the dreaded media are really to blame for public anger against him. Indeed the whole shambles had the air of Prince Andrew expecting that Newsnight interview would clear his name.
Mr Cummings is certainly to be commended for managing to drive 260 miles with a four-year-old child without needing to stop along the way. I can't drive from Belfast to my older sister's home in Co Kildare (around 135 miles) without at least one tea stop/loo break at Applegreen.
Special advisers aren't supposed to host press conferences or enter into political rows. Unfortunately people like Mr Cummings don't seem to feel guilt or any particular sense of personal responsibility and believe that rules are for other people.
The 48-year-old was long known as a hugely divisive figure at Westminster, once flatteringly described by former prime minister David Cameron as a "career psychopath".
His rehabilitation came when Boris Johnson rose to power and it became swiftly clear that the new prime minister needed a handler.
Without the adviser as his driving force, the Tory leader would be forever exposed as the sad middle-aged man posing as the Wizard of Oz. It would be nice to feel that this is a watershed moment and that Mr Cummings's often destructive influence, particularly his disastrous push for Brexit, might be curtailed.
But given that so many senior ministers have rushed to find possible loopholes in the rules for the benefit of one man, any change at the top looks unlikely.
So, in conclusion, Mary never had a little lamb, Little Bo Peep's sheep are perfectly fine, and Jack and Jill's socially-distanced trip up the hill was essential travel.
