Amongst the prayers of the faithful at the requiem mass for Ashling Murphy was a plea that “the many vigils that took place in memory of Ashling mark the beginning of an end to violence against women.”
Amen.
Public emotions across Ireland and beyond have ranged from shock and disbelief to heartbreak and anger. A young woman was brutally murdered who comes from a well-known and respected family. Ashling was a talented musician, a committed camogie player and a dedicated teacher. Her family and friends have lost the light and heart of their lives and all those who knew her are diminished by her passing.
In the subsequent days we have heard pledges from politicians of all shades of opinion to come together to ensure a culture of zero tolerance of violence against women. We have been told that government strategies on tackling domestic, sexual and gender-based violence against women and girls are due to be published in the near future in both Stormont and Leinster House.
In the days after the murder, the graphic “she was going for a run” appeared across social media as people struggled to express their sadness and anger, but calls quickly came for people to stop using the phrase, suggesting that when we say “she was just doing this” or “she was just going there,” it implies that the case would be somehow less shocking or upsetting if the victim had been doing something else.
Urantsetseg Tserendorj was walking home from work when she was fatally stabbed.
Caoimhe Morgan’s screams were so loud that her neighbours tried to get into her house to save her.
Katrina Rainey died after she was trapped in a burning car in the driveway of her home.
These are just three of the women who have died sudden, violent deaths in Ireland in the past year. Where was the Stormont vigil for Katrina Rainey? Where were the flowers at the gates of Leinster House for Urantsetseg Tserendorj?
These women were an immigrant with a name that is hard to pronounce and remember, a single mother of four who lived in a council house and a woman in her 50s from a rural community, where invisibility is a side-effect of ageing. Is that why there were no public vigils?
Ashling Murphy was a young woman that many could see themselves or their daughter or sister in, whether that was because of sports, music or her career.
There are some uncomfortable truths that we have to face as a result of Ashling Murphy’s heinous and shocking murder. One is why has the murder of one woman has generated so much more public outrage than others?
What is it that has led to this funeral being televised and attended by President Higgins and the taoiseach as well as a number of ministers and other well-known public figures? This seems particularly inappropriate in the light of her family’s public request for privacy.
There is a subtle victim blaming in it that sits uncomfortably. A young woman in her early twenties full of enthusiasm for life and who was out exercising after work fits the image of what we think a victim should be.
A woman who hasn’t had the means or the strength to leave her abuser before he kills her, or a woman who was attacked as she walked home alone late at night along the riverbank are less sympathetic as victims, because the insinuation is that they could have prevented what happened to them.
The reality is that we as a society have become conditioned to blaming women for the violence inflicted by men. We even had one TD this week call on the government to legalise the use of mace so that women could defend themselves against attack.
The onus is not on me, or my daughter, or any other woman to protect ourselves, nor to dress in a way that doesn’t trigger men to be violent, nor to observe no-go areas when we’re alone. The responsibility is on men not to be violent towards women.
Perhaps a positive interpretation of this week’s public outpouring of national grief is that it is an atonement for failing Ashling Murphy and all the women who have died violently before her by failing to acknowledge the levels of violence against women which have existed in Ireland for so long.
Perhaps, finally, we will put in place effective strategies to address violence against women and perhaps we will examine our own values when we think to judge, justify or rationalise violent deaths.
