POLITICS at Westminster has turned into such a farce that the Prime Minister is now dressing for the part.
He was photographed out jogging in a pair of spotty shorts identical to the boxers the late Brian Rix used to wear when his trousers fell down in one of those terribly English farces - though possibly Johnson's original pants were on fire given the lies he's been telling lately.
Dominic Cummings, his former chief adviser, has said he warned the PM about the Downing Street party during the first lockdown but Johnson agreed it should go ahead, so therefore he lied to Parliament.
He has been lying to everyone for as long as he's been breathing - wives, girlfriends, bosses, the electorate. But lying to Parliament could yet be his undoing.
Unfortunately Cummings, who famously drove to Barnard Castle to test his eyesight, isn't exactly the most credible witness. Though compared to shifty Johnson, he's a paragon of virtue.
Trying to defend himself against a charge of misleading the House, the PM made himself even more ridiculous by telling Sky's Beth Rigby that no-one told him that the party he mistook for a work event was against the rules. The rules that he himself announced to the public. Nobody told him? He wasn't listening to what he said himself?
No wonder Rigby sounded so incredulous at his limp responses. He didn't quite say big boys did it and ran away, or the dog ate his homework, but it sounded equally unconvincing.
Tory MPs are getting nervous though it's not clear if enough letters have been sent to the 1922 Committee to oust him. The only thing that might save Johnson in a confidence vote is that the rest of the cabinet are a bunch of no hopers too.
It's all up when you're told to resign by David Davis, the erstwhile Brexit negotiator who Cummings described as "thick as mince and lazy as a toad".
Quick, time for a diversionary tactic. Make way for Operation Red Meat which is part of the mission to "save Big Dog" aka Boris.
Nadine Dorries, the culture minister, throws in a spot of Beeb bashing, announcing a freeze on the licence. That usually goes down well.
But her performance in the Commons, when she had to backtrack and admit negotiations were still ongoing, was so bad even Tory backbenchers were lining up to praise the BBC.
She had the nerve to claim the freeze would put more money in the pockets of pensioners without mentioning that it was the Tories who took free TV licences off the over-75s.
This is the same Nadine Dorries who voted against a pay rise for nurses and other low paid public sector workers, and supported a rise in national insurance payments and council tax as well as cuts to universal credit.
New York Times European editor Matthew Anderson made an interesting point about post-Europe Britain: "Germany's culture minister is a trained art historian; France's wrote a book on Verdi. The UK culture secretary ate an ostrich anus on I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here."
Enough said.
****
SIR Jeffrey ended up with egg over his face after being initially thrilled that the government's cunning plan to re-introduce a dual mandate for the duration of the current parliamentary plan would spare him the risk of a by-election in his Lagan Valley constituency when he runs for an MLA seat in May.
Double-jobbing was not popular in Northern Ireland and was dropped in the wake of public anger over the MPs expenses scandal. The rationale for changing it back was unconvincing and by Wednesday lunchtime it was as dead as Monty Python's parrot.
When he supported this wheeze, Lord Alderdice said it would enable experienced politicians to bring the weight of their expertise at Westminster (or Dáil Éireann) to the Assembly.
Nobody doubts that expertise is in short supply at Stormont, where nobody seems capable of making a statement without reading it from a script... badly.
But there's been little sign of expertise from that bunch of local MPs at Westminster who were so easily conned by BoJo and his mates over Brexit.
In the end, the people will decide, Sir Jeffrey declared, reminding interviewers that he had a very sizeable mandate when he held both Stormont and Westminster seats.
The big question is who will lose the musical chairs game in Lagan Valley, with both Pootsy and stand-in First Minister Paul Givan also vying for seats. Pass the popcorn.
