We've had another political deal which, as per usual, isn't a deal. They used to call them 'agreements' but eventually dumped that name out of what I can only assume was embarrassment.
I was trying to remember all the agreements we've had and came up with the Sunningdale Agreement, Anglo-Irish Agreement, Good Friday Agreement and St Andrews Agreement.
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Having ditched 'agreement', we then had New Decade, New Approach, the NI Protocol and now the Windsor Framework. I've probably missed a few, but with so many I'm sure I'll be forgiven. Is there another place on earth with so many agreements without actual agreement?
Jeffrey Donaldson was straight out of the traps to scupper any hope of a return to the Assembly. He'd the temerity to say he wanted a deal which worked for NI; considering his party hasn't worked for more than a year, I found that a bit rich.
What's beginning to annoy me even more about Jeffrey is his trademark smirk. Every utterance by him is predicated with a superior half-smile, as if he's amused at the temerity of anyone questioning him. Only Jeffrey could find anything amusing in our present difficulties, with our seas an open sewer, Lough Neagh a septic tank and a recent report indicating our wildlife is teetering on the point of extinction.
Not that ecological catastrophe matters to that section of our society fixated by an invisible border in the Irish sea. So long as the Union flag remained flying, they wouldn't care if NI turned into a dystopian wasteland.
And those confident that a return to violence is impossible should look how quickly old enmities have reignited in the Balkans. Nato last week deployed 600 British troops to Kosovo to stymie any further provocation by Serbia which had been building up troop levels along the border.
Historically, those shouting loudest for loyalism to fight would, in all probability, be the first onto the ferry from Larne to Stranraer if hostilities ever did break out, leaving others to cash the cheque they'd written.
Thankfully, so far, protests have remained peaceful, with around a dozen loyalists travelling to the Tory party conference where they performed a silent mock funeral for the Belfast Agreement. I'm presuming they decided on a silent protest following a year of shouting which proved ineffectual.
Hiding behind white face masks, they succeeded only in looking somewhat farcical as few of the Tories in attendance would have any idea what the Belfast Agreement was.
Facing into a general election with victory seeming unlikely, Prime Minister Rishi Sunak is much more concerned explaining how scrapping the high-speed HS2 train connection to Manchester fits with his much vaunted 'levelling up' campaign.
Those who argue that Westminster or Europe will move beyond the Windsor Framework are delusional; we can but hope that the smirk is wiped from Jeffrey's face before our streetlights get turned off and sewage starts backing up in our toilets.
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Visiting one of Belfast's largest wholesalers last week, I had to take a moment and remind myself it was then still September as they'd Christmas decorations for sale. I was so shocked by the anachronistic display that I took these photographs and remonstrated with a member of staff that they'd mislaid a few pages from their calendar.
The poor woman just rolled her eyes in resigned acknowledgement and understanding at my frustration.
Later that evening an advert came on TV called the 12 Deals of Christmas, forcing me to let out a scream of obscenities ending with, 'Stuff your 12 deals, it's still 12 weeks until Christmas'.
Having reached an age where it won't be long until a doctor is asking me if I know the date, my chances of answering him correctly would be greatly improved if we weren't celebrating Christmas before we've had Halloween.
If we continue to allow rampant consumerism to mess with our calendar for profit, we'll end up eating Easter eggs in January and celebrating Hogmanay in June.
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I'm not a big fan of change so when I was told the layout of this paper was being 'refreshed', my initial reaction wasn't wholly positive.
My concerns proved unwarranted; while modern, the new design still retains the essence of The Irish News.
I'm not so sure about my new photo though, I think it makes me look old. My wife argues the camera never lies; that being the case, if there's an artist who's willing to paint a sympathetic portrait of me, at no cost, do get in touch.
