The DUP’s Stormont psychodrama is becoming more like a romantic comedy, drawing the audience in despite themselves with a ridiculous will-they, won’t-they plot.
There was much media excitement at the start of the week over rumours the government might threaten an assembly election, although this would be like threatening the DUP with Christmas: it could rally voters around it to beat Sinn Féin, squashing unionist rivals even if that failed.
Then feverish speculation turned to Thursday’s DUP executive meeting, although it was a routine quarterly event.
In reality, there is no prospect of the party making a decision to return to Stormont before its annual conference next week, or before the government has responded with whatever assurances it may or may not offer to DUP concerns. That is expected in the coming weeks but by then we are into the traditional Stormont time-frame of dragging talks out until Christmas.
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Reporting on Lough Neagh suffers constant distraction due to the entertainment value of the Earl of Shaftesbury and his feudal ownership of the lake bed.
Yet there is little interest in another aspect of the story with a ‘constitutional’ subtext. Lough Neagh was excluded from the care of Waterways Ireland when the north-south body was established under the Good Friday Agreement. The omission has never been explained and Waterways Ireland blanks the question when asked.
Nationalist and unionist politicians have occasionally called for Waterways Ireland to get involved, as have campaign groups, but by and large it seems to have suited everybody to leave the lough in this bizarre limbo.
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A senior civil servant has told the BBC there are limits to what the Department of Agriculture can do about Lough Neagh due to budget constraints and the absence of an executive. However, there must still be room for improvement.
A minority of farmers are clearly ignoring legal restrictions on slurry spreading, with significant consequences. The department’s environment agency has powers to levy fines that cover its investigation and court costs. Lack of staff might place a limit on enforcement but lack of ministers and money cannot excuse complete inertia.
Lack of ministers may even help in taking a tougher line. Ministers in the Republic have extended this year’s slurry spreading deadline twice, due to “unseasonable weather”.
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Invest NI’s focus is to be changed from job creation to improving productivity, the Department for the Economy has announced. This follows an independent review that condemned Invest NI for concentrating on grants to favoured companies.
Northern Ireland’s problem today is productivity, not employment, and Invest NI’s £200 million budget is big enough to make a difference.
But productivity is improved by investing in education, infrastructure, research and development and tax credits for businesses that do likewise. All these areas are outside the remit of Invest NI, the Department or Stormont. It would make more sense to just shut the agency down and redistribute its money.
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The Northern Ireland Human Rights Commission has launched a legal challenge against the UK’s new Illegal Immigration Act, claiming it breaches the European Convention on Human Rights and also the Windsor Framework, which ensures no diminution of convention rights enshrined in the Good Friday Agreement.
Brexiteers have always feared Northern Ireland’s special arrangements would end up applying to the whole UK. One can only imagine their reaction if they end up applying to the whole of humanity.
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When the Policing Board announced it would advertise for an interim chief constable, questions were asked about who would want a job that amounts to holding a poisoned chalice while waiting to be made redundant. But there were several applicants and the winner clearly has ambition.
Jon Boutcher, a former Bedfordshire chief constable and head of the Stakeknife inquiry, was shortlisted to be PSNI chief constable when that post was last filled in 2019. Last year, he applied to lead the Met but was blocked by the Home Office, reportedly due to being too outspoken about police racism.
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Sinn Féin has unveiled an alternative budget in the Republic that includes a new €400 annual charge for second homes.
There has been some chortling at its calculations, which imply there are 770,000 second homes, 12 times more than reported at the last census and a third of all residential properties. What might have led Sinn Féin to believe this level of second home ownership is normal?
As the party usually aims to have similar policies north and south it might be expected to propose a charge here – something Stormont could easily introduce, as domestic rates are fully devolved.
The main difficulty would be knowing who to charge, as there is no register of second homes in Northern Ireland, or even an official estimate of their number.
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The SDLP has had a round-table meeting with health sector representatives at Stormont and is promising to “provide an informed, effective and coherent voice of opposition in any future Assembly”.
This is a strong potential role for the party but only if it stops opposing itself. Although the SDLP officially supports the Bengoa report on health reform and wants to hold the executive to account on its implementation, it often objects to reforms when they are implemented.
At a public meeting with health managers in Newry this March, MLA Justin McNulty referred sarcastically to “your beloved Bengoa Report”.
