Grotesque, unbelievable, bizarre, unprecedented – Jeffrey Donaldson bombshell fits all these categories

It was a Good Friday like no other.

I first got word via texts from my two London-based kids asking if the “rumours about Jeffrey Donaldson facing charges” were true. I was standing in a supermarket queue at the time, in a long line of people buying Easter eggs and legs of lamb, and I nearly dropped the phone into my trolley in shock.

It was an unexpected bombshell, confirmed on lunchtime bulletins by clearly stunned journalists, who hadn’t seen it coming either. Nor did I expect to hear his name mentioned by the priest conducting the Good Friday service that afternoon, appealing for people not to act like a mob, revelling in the scandal.

Grotesque, unbelievable, bizarre, unprecedented. It fits all those categories, but it is also a personal tragedy that no-one should be mocking on social media to score cheap political points. A court of law will decide on the case, not the court of public opinion.

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But what of the political fall-out?

The decision to go back to Stormont, despite the hated protocol, was undoubtedly Donaldson’s personal crusade, facing down opposition from within his party and without. And the resurrected devolution was ticking along quietly, with a spirit of co-operation between the main parties. Could it all be undone by the allegations that caused his departure from frontline politics?

First out of the traps to wish for such an outcome was the wretched political carpetbagger Ben Habib. He questioned the DUP leader’s “state of mind” when he had argued there was no sea border and suggested he had been “compromised”. He implied there were dirty deeds behind the scenes by the British government to put pressure on him to end the boycott, therefore the whole deal must be challenged immediately.

His learned friend and new political colleague Jim Allister reminded everyone who didn’t already know that a person is innocent until proved guilty. Then he went on to opine that the damage was not limited to the DUP, but to unionism as a whole. Luckily he is there with his Reform UK chums to save it.

Vultures have a habit of circling at such times. But the DUP isn’t likely to sabotage itself with a potentially divisive leadership campaign between the abominable No men and the Stormont returners.

The unionist electorate has proved itself pretty fickle in recent opinion polls, both supporting the DUP’s boycott, while it was ongoing, then supporting the party’s return to devolution.

Vultures have a habit of circling at such times. But the DUP isn’t likely to sabotage itself with a potentially divisive leadership campaign between the abominable No men and the Stormont returners

As Donaldson’s protege, gifted his MLA seat and the deputy first minister’s role, Emma Little-Pengelly might well have been calling for help from the Almighty when she tweeted a religious quotation tract on Friday.

But she’s safe for now. The interim leader, Gavin Robinson, will be wanting to calm the choppy seas and steady the ship while a general election is still on the horizon.

There won’t be any hasty moves for a by-election in Lagan Valley, so Sorcha Eastwood can keep her union jack dress in the wardrobe for a wee while longer. Though she should maybe keep it ironed.

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There’s been a stampede of Tory MPs who’ve decided not to run again – 66 at the last count. But it’s reassuring to know there’s still one durable Conservative value: doling out “honours” to those with deep pockets.

Rishi Sunak mightn’t be in Downing Street for much longer, but he’s still found time to hand out a knighthood to an Egyptian businessman who donated £5 million to the party’s coffers.

It must make Diane Abbott fan Frank Hester sick as a parrot. He’s already given them £10 million and not even an MBE to show for it.

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At the risk of becoming one of those who accuse the BBC of wokery and an aversion to the UK’s Christian culture, I did groan when I heard the presenter of a Saturday morning Radio Four programme sign off by wishing listeners a “Happy long weekend”.

Seriously?