Opinion

Tom Kelly: My family know my wishes when the time comes – but the risks of legalising assisted dying seem too great

As Ireland the UK consider legislation on assisted dying, we should be honest about dignity at the end of life

Hundreds of ‘dying wishes’ written by people across the country were attached to trees in Parliament Square as part of the Dignity in Dying campaign
Hundreds of ‘dying wishes’ were attached to trees in Parliament Square as part of the Dignity in Dying campaign in support of assisted dying legislation (James Manning/PA)

Both Ireland and the UK are tinkering with the idea of permitting assisted dying. Westminster already has a private member’s bill.

A right to die is a rather unusual concept, when the secular pledges to humanity in a host of charters are all about the right to live, free, in peace with a roof above and food in your belly. Physical and mental wellbeing are pursued and protected.

So do we have a right to choose how and when to die?

This isn’t an easy topic to write about, and therefore requires some honesty and sensitivity from me as the columnist.

Firstly, when it comes to faith I’d describe myself as a bit of an undercover Christian. I admire this current Pope and like him, on a range of subjects, I frequently ask myself “Who am I to judge?”

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I believe we are more than just physical matter. To my mind, there’s a soul along with a brain and heart.

Being quite ill a few years back led me to question my lifestyle and attitude to health.

Thankfully due to good medical intervention I arrested the worst aspects of two forms of chronic illness.

Had I continued with a reckless workload of red-eye flights, long hours and food on the hoof, as well as volunteering and serving on various committees/public bodies, I would likely, as one consultant put it bluntly, “Not live to see my sixtieth birthday”. (That milestone was thankfully passed a year ago).

The chronic illnesses remain but are managed and red flags are acted on.

Marie Curie has released what it said is the first playlist curated by terminally ill people for the end of life
At home we have discussed end of life

At home, we have often discussed end of life, should either become terminally ill. Watching a loved one struggle in extreme pain until breath becomes air would be too unbearable.

Furthermore we’ve no expectations of siblings, friends or nephews and nieces becoming our white knights in medicare. Or would we ever want to be a burden to any them.

We signed living wills which indicate our preferences to healthcare staff in the event of facing a terminal or life-changing end. Discussions were informed and included some family members.

So I am quite clear that for myself, I don’t want to continue in a world where the quality of my life was so debilitating and dependent on others that I was wholly incapable of managing my own affairs or daily personal tasks. As the law stands, I would not ask for anyone to assist me dying.

All that said, I have huge reservations about assisted dying legislation coming into force. The risks seem too great, the safeguards too loose.

Doctors would not have to take part in an assisted dying service in England and Wales
Campaigners against assisted dying outside the Houses of Parliament

It puts the medical profession in an awkward ethical dilemma. It also seems to cross a rubicon – once breached, society could become selective in their attitudes towards the elderly, and those with certain types of disabilities or illnesses.

The arguments for assisted dying are emotive and heart-breaking. But so too are the stories of people with life-changing illnesses who have fought for the extra time medical care gives them to spend precious months or years with their partners, children or parents.

Before going down the route of legislative changes on assisted dying, let’s be honest about the government’s appalling lack of investment and support to hospices providing palliative care.



It’s nothing short of outrageous that hospices have to raise 75% of their income from charitable giving. Two years of Covid nearly wiped out their reserves.

The time has come to make palliative care mainstream and brought 100% into the NHS.

Individuals deserve dignity at the end of the their lives and good palliative care not only helps the terminally ill but their families too – who witness great tenderness, love and devotion from doctors, nurses and care workers.

So sensitive are the issues around assisted dying, the tone of debate needs to be driven by compassion on all sides.

Once the decision has been taken, there’s no going back.