Where else have the Duppers to go except Stormont?

It takes time to realise that Northern Ireland is not the centre of the universe. But all those years of being in the headlines, having visits by US presidents and prime ministers, strutting the world stage, does turn one’s head a little.

So, last week I turned up the radio when I heard the words: “Is it deal or no deal?” But then I realised the bulletin was not bringing the latest on Jeffrey’s peekaboo, now you see it, now you don’t, negotiations over the protocol. It was just the trivial business of 154 countries reaching agreement on transitioning away from fossil fuels to save the planet, not saving the DUP’s blushes.

And let’s hope the transitioning doesn’t move at the same pace as loyalist paramilitaries moving away from criminality. That’s a tad overdue.

At the time of writing, it seems the DUP has finally reached the end of the most tedious, drawn-out sulk which has led to the mothballing of Stormont for 22 months, while the health service, education and public services are on their knees and people are struggling to keep their heads above water.

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Whatever the details of the size of the dosh the Secretary of State has found down the side of the Treasury sofa and however persuasive Jeffrey is with his party colleagues, it won’t be enough for the usual suspects.

It won’t please Jimbo Allister who’s already taken his “sell out” speech from his top drawer while the Lundy-ometer cranks into life.

And by the way… has anyone else noticed that m’learned friend only appears to own two books, both about the gallant RUC? They always appear pointedly behind him when he’s interviewed from his study, which looks devoid of any other reading material. Maybe someone could get him a Waterstones voucher for Christmas?

However carefully Mr Allister KC parses his arguments, they essentially boil down to “No Surrender”. And let’s not forget that the loudest proponent of the “Nevaaar, Nevaar” philosophy ended up as the leading member of the Chuckle Brothers.

It looks likely that the new partnership on the hill will be more of a sorority than a brotherhood, since it appears JD couldn’t stomach the notion of playing deputy to Michelle O’Neill, so that baton will pass to his fragrant stand-in, Emma Little-Pengelly.

Whether it happens today, as Sunak had hoped, as an early Christmas gift, or gets drawn out to later in January, the Duppers will eventually return to Stormont. Where else have they to go? Nobody listens to them at Westminster.

They will have to stuff their ears to the nay-sayers within the ranks, to Jimbo and the sage from Donaghadee as well as the usual callers to The Nolan Show. Because, guess what? The sky won’t fall in. There’ll still be a Twelfth next July and their passports will still be navy blue whatever happens to rules on red or green lanes.

The pity of it all is that when the Assembly does resume its role in governing this place, the weight of expectation on the returning MLAs will be a very heavy burden.

There’ll be precious little difference to waiting lists for operations because the health service has been so badly governed for years, nothing will change any time soon.

The Bengoa report, which promised useful reforms when it was published in 2016, lies gathering dust on a shelf, as yet another report is published, this time on the future of education.

It’s important to be realistic. There won’t be any significant improvement to poor public sector pay or the cost of living until the current regime across the water is ousted. At least that’s not far away.

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So a hotel in Galway, picketed by “patriots” angry at plans to house asylum seekers there, mysteriously catches fire. Maybe some will be in church to hear about those other refugees, who were also turned away from the inn. Merry Christmas.